The Story Of V

Can't Be A Queen Bee, Without A Bee Throne

2012-01-30T22:35:00.001+11:00

Settlement date is 16th March 2012.

Happy advance birthday to me!

Sharps Injuries

2012-01-24T22:01:00.001+11:00

Injured my finger in the dental lab. The first aid kit was out of bandaids (how, ironic.) so I used my own bandaids instead. Don't judge me!

Harry Potter heals dental sharps injuries.

I swear it healed faster. As if by...magic!

Pseudo-artsy

2012-01-19T22:57:00.000+11:00

I hate when the same person judges "eccentric" patients as "weird" but pays hundreds to see Lady Gaga. It's artsy people who make the world more beautiful! It's these "eccentric" people who grow up to be superstars, not shallow minded ones like you.

Him: Oh no, our kids are going to draw all over the walls like you did!
Her: Hey...lay off arsty kids. You logical people should just stick to making the world function properly. We artsy kids will make the world pretty and meaningful.
Him: Alright.

That's why we work.

I Have Learned

2012-01-15T11:35:00.002+11:00

Written by Andy Rooney, sent by L. Seah. Photos complied by me.

I have learned....

That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

That when you're in love, it shows.

That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

That being kind is more important than being right.

That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

That money doesn't buy class

That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

That love, not time, heals all wounds.

That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

W e d d i n g s

2012-01-09T02:26:00.002+11:00

I've been to many weddings in the last 2 months, and I've seen beautiful things about love and how it comes in all beginnings and journeys. These are their short stories and how my heart melted.

Arthur & Claudia 15.10.11
Class clown meets cutie pie, over 10 year relationship. He cried the moment she stepped on to the aisle and smiled with so much pride through out. I cried all my mascara off in the first three minutes. My heart felt bigger just absorbing all the love in the room.

Tuan Anh & Hung 29.10.11
Long distance older couple, family friend. He travelled from the US to be with her, to start a-new, empty handed. They compromise by living in a share house, because that's all they can afford. But there was love, lots of fobby singing, and her big smile. It makes me feel like, sometimes, all you need is love.

Julia & Ming 12.11.11
Romance of the most composed, grown-uppy and sweet 24 year olds I know. They exuded a calm readiness for the next big step in their lives - marriage. So much so, it makes me believe I could be ready too. Cutest onscreen couple, doctors in white, arm in arm, for life.

Van & Hoang 19.11.11
Best friends to the very end, makes me know what I have is right. So much warmth and good will for this couple as they made the funnest wedding with never a dull moment. She was so elegant, as he beamed to say thankyou on behalf of his wife. Highlight moment was the elation in the room as the entire 450 people sang "we've got each other and that's a lot for love," from their song.

Shoba & Thina 02.12.11
This love is so strong, funny, real, sexy, heart wrenchingly sweet! First DM's wedding, dream girl marries her dream dream guy after love at first sight. Cultures of colour array with Hindu tones. He will never take his eyes off this wonderful woman because you can see the adoration in his eyes, and she will be his steady rock. This time, I am proud to be seeing her fulfilled in love.

Kelly & Patrick 07.01.12
Dental love birds flying the flag that love can last, where I failed. Despite the public persona, everything he built to portray fell away when he looked at her like that as they danced to their (asiany) song. Admittedly, I cried. Bets broken, relief sighed. Love lasts forever.

My photo,

pre-wedding shoot with P&K, Hyde Park.

To, happily ever after.

Why Didn't It Work?

2012-01-08T02:44:00.002+11:00

I got asked this again recently, but luckily I have many letters to myself and saved conversations to refresh my memory.

Written in Spain, primarily for you.

You can love so intensely you think you have to be together.

Even when you don't fit together.

He will challenge everything you do,

and bring it back to your unsatisfactory personality.

He will become defensive,

every time you want to improve a situation.

Because he'll think that you are accusing him

of everything, and anything!

Under the sun and stars.

Why it didn't work.

The Year That Was Twenty Eleven

2012-01-02T14:18:00.001+11:00

On Love
I learned your boyfriend doesn't need to fill every existential void you have and putting him up to that task is like waiting for failure. No one person can do that. It's a culminate effort of yourself, your family, your friends, your job and him. But not him alone. I believe too many relationships especially marriages end in divorce because people say "I fell out of love" but a marriage isn't metaphysics, it's more of a partnership; Two people willing and able to commit to a union of their lives. And that's what I have. I have him, who's always been my constant.

On Travel
Ah Paris, my love. I hate that you're also everyone else's love, because I feel unoriginal but Paris is truly beautiful. My favourite day of the entire trip was walking around by myself in the Paris morn. The first half of this year was a bit unremarkable as I spent most of it counting down to my Europe trip. I loved the people I got to share this experience with, and how malleable we all were to each of our interests. I thoroughly enjoyed 5 star living and 10EUR orange juice, but I think I'm very ready to slum it with a backpack in 2012.

On Work
I'm getting ready to move on. I want to move on. I resigned from Saturday work saying "If i had a boring life, I'd work for you forever but I don't have a boring life!" (They're great bosses) Now she says I can start at 10am so I can go out on Friday night and sleep in a little. But I need to be firm.

On Friendship
I lost my girl best friend to something bigger, but I still message/skype just as often. Sometimes I wish I could go in and take those opportunities that she doesn't and live her life for her but I can't. She's done more than anyone ever anticipated in 2011 and here's where I give utmost credit. Sorry Louise, for always getting frustrated when you don't say yes to new things, but you've truly done an amazing thing to go out on a limb by yourself in London. Think less, say yes, don't guard yourself, and we will deal with whatever happens. Only then will life be spectacular. Friends closer at hand have big futures ahead, marriages, new jobs, new life even? I can't wait to be a part of it!

On Family
Family has been a bit depressing, and you know when you finally out-grow your parents, because they no longer support anything you want to do. That's where I am.

On 2012
I don't feel fully in control of 2012. Like it's about to take off, but maybe it won't yet. Surprises or constants? But I can't complain because the constant is still good. Except I need to move out. Watch this space!

Before My Eyes

2011-12-19T00:50:00.002+11:00

I changed from Tobias (my iPhone 3GS) to Sirius (new iPhone 4S) three-quarters through this year. I downloaded all the photos I had from my 3GS onto my computer for the first time, and when they uploaded onto my iPhoto, I seriously felt like my life was flashing before my eyes. Before I do my proverbial account of my year thus far, I shall do it in photo form.

This is my life since from 2009, in no particular order.

Louise sent watsapp

Love letters from Japan

I caught the bouquet 15th October 2011

Soundtrack of our love story.

Joshua Radin

So excited when all 4 lights came on my dash board.

A watch with my name on it, pity it's ugly.

Hair-dresser curled hair. I still can't curl my hair.

Un-bought dress.

My potential car.

If you download just one track, make it

A Thousand Lies

Red socks. T-bar shoes

Designer vs Op-shop,

love both equally.

My obsession 2010-2011

Cheating in words with friends

Ben Folds,

will dance to Luckiest at my wedding still.

Wanted a dead tree suspended in my dream home,

like Imogen Heap, but he said no.

12:00am 2011, Kew

sigh

Disgust!

Lisa Michell

John Mayer

The day it raaaaiiinnnned with TTV, Moonee Ponds.

Could You Remind Me

2011-11-28T01:57:00.012+11:00

Written for Nina, on the Hume Hwy. There's no rhythm, barely any rhyme, but there are lessons learnt. Apologies for the past to present to past tensiness, but life's like that.

Could you remind me,
Just how you loved me.
That my memory doesn't deceive me,
That we meant to love
Till eternity,

Could you remind me,
That our intensity,
Was not just naivety,
That just because you appreciated
My cumbersome mind,
~~We were meant to be.~~
It still ended.

Could you tell me,
That dreams of doctors in white
In hand, in arms, in sight
Meant something.
That your dreams fractured
When mine shattered,
That you cared!

Could you remind me,
Though your name means light to my lips,
Meant mostly reaching for darkness
At my finger tips.

Could you remind me, that beautiful sparks
Burn
To embers cold by dawn.
That romance is for the young,
Not for life.

Can you tell me,
I need a new way, a new prescription,
An alternate
For a longer evermore.
Because years are
Left wanting,
Leaves me waiting.

I need you to remind me,
So I stop holding
On to something that still broke
In my nursing arms.

Sleeping To Dream

2011-11-24T23:00:00.001+11:00

pixie wings

messed up hair

fairy dress

you catch my stare

painted nails

shoes with bows

what happens next

no one knows...

heart shaped ring

Tokyo

polka dots

there you go...

I don't need sleep for me to dream.

Lyrics
Empty Streets - Stu Larsen

Dead Poets Society

2011-11-23T00:03:00.003+11:00

“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering - these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love - these are what we stay alive for.”
— Dead Poets Society

Moleskin

2011-11-08T23:23:00.000+11:00

I can't keep up with this livejournal to blogspot/wordpress to tumblr transition of hip online journals. But I do like the idea of tumbling, not just physically but also cyberly. I feel like tumblr's are short and sweet and inspirational. I'd like to add a little of that to remind be the ideas/fashion/colours that bring me joy, open my eyes and warm my heart.

Melt.

Pretty.

Lanvin. Love. Colour.

Home life.

squeal. cute!

Back To November

2011-11-05T00:34:00.003+11:00

I can't remember our last kiss, which is a blessing. I know that in our last months my body shivered cold at your touch, repulsed knowing it was not true to me. It knew what my hoping heart refused to realise, what my eyes closed blind to see. And years on, nemesis forgiven, chambers reduced and repaired, I am happy I can't remember our last kiss.

How dare you wear my expired sentiments on your sleeve to this very day. How dare I be more sentimental than $49.95 worth of silver and paint. I dare not. I care not.

On that fifth of November, we had a witness. He was my thirtytwo.

thirtytwo/ you're the truest gentleman I have ever accidentally stumbled on a date with. You are the embodiment of everything a girl (like me) would "check box", but turn away from because she ~~stupidly~~ expected a "spark." Why are we like that? Why was/am/was/am I like that? You admitted to witnessing the moment of my heartache and rushed in; I stubbornly protested to a saviour. With hindsight and awkwardness past, I see the sweetness of your chivalry. I apologies I could not be your Eve, but I hope you've found your bliss. My collection will never match yours, but I received my first Mont Blanc pen, from the boy I loved in your place.

For Nina, we could've had it all.
My alpha to be my forever.
We were level, heart and mind
Before our souls orientated this world.
I say this world like there's another!
But I could have sworn, my love,
In another world we would be blissful
Dreams carried through,
Glossamer touches of truth run from my eyes
And this world shatters love,
My love.

Future Me

2011-10-24T01:06:00.002+11:00

I created this blog some four years ago, and I've come to the realisation that everything changes. People can change too. I realised I've changed from the bio' I wrote four years ago, and in some ways I'm completely the same. If I were to rewrite it for a twenty four year old me, it would not longer resonate true. And I'm content with that.

twenty years old vi.
I am an INFJ, pseudo-intellectual with a love affair with autumn and mysterious strangers. I am baseline passive, but assertive when cornered. I believe in Romanticism ideals and that everything looks better in black and white. I don't believe in perfection, but i dare you to prove me wrong. All in all, I think life is too precious to waste.

twenty four years old me.
I am an INFJ, pseudo-intellectual with a love affair with autumn and mysterious strangers, but fell in love with my best friend. I am baseline reasonable, but assertive when cornered. I believe in Romanticism ideals and that there are many shades of grey between right and wrong, but photographs look better in low saturation. I don't believe in perfection, but I dare you to prove me wrong. All in all, I think life is too precious to waste.

I think I've changed a bit/lot (your discretion) but I am true to myself. I believe the biggest change in myself is that I no longer have the patience to spend my time with people that are negative, judgemental or disrespectful (hates/drainers/complainers/et ceterers). Life is too short to be unhappy, and I have plenty of people that love me to devote my time to. I still hate phonies. I feel I have a stronger presence, especially with customer service (Yes, it's something I've noticed!) and I'm not afraid to speak up if required. I now believe in confrontations; they are honest, healthy and productive, and I wouldn't shy from them. In general, I'm less cluttered, more domestic (relatively speaking) and I would like to think I'm wiser.

PS: I still heart sunflowers.

Escapism

2011-10-23T22:19:00.001+11:00

Sometimes, after a hectic day of dentistry and drainer patients, and crying kids during pulpotomies that probably won't work...I do this, REALLY LOUDLY!

Shorty, Want To Drive Wit(h) Me?

2011-10-18T22:55:00.002+11:00

Hi, my name is Vi. It's been a while.

These are some of my musings while driving my moondust tractor.

I refuse to listen to Chris Brown on the radio.
I like imagining things "falling off the back of a truck" when they drive past me, and wishing I were able to get it for free. Including Volkswagen GTI's off delivery trucks and vintage dress from Salvos truck.
I freak out when I accidentally take my Tiffany & Co. pearl earrings into the shower. I calm down when I realise that pearls lived in water so it won't disintergrate.
Using a bigger glob of eye cream does not undo a weekend of inadequate sleep.
I try not to touch the reflectors in the middle of the road when changing lanes. It's like the grown up driving version of "don't step on the crack"
I blush a little every time I hear Pony by Ginuwine *blush*
Why does every boy I date shave his head right after we break up?
My biggest regret in life is, as SRC, I gave the "Cinderella/most transformed award" at the year twelve ball to my friend who straightened her hair, rather than the muslim girl who went to the ball without her hijab. I wish i could turn back time.
When i was a kid, i would draw on my wall and clothes. And i expect my kids to do the same.
Sometimes I was/am ashamed of were I live. But I'm proud of my story.

Time Is Contagious

2011-06-22T23:46:00.000+10:00

Growing up means
a) Leaving no more than 3 missed calls
b) House hunting with your BFF
c) Mortages
d) donating money (tax deductible) to your past private school incase you want to send your (unborn) daughter there
e) Thinking about things that are tax deductible

Honestly!

Endvent

But life's pretty sweet in those moments in-between reality surrounded by autumn leaves. Great friends doing big things, steadfast love that's learning everyday, reconnecting with family, bright lights and dancing juice.

She Smells Of Daisies

2011-06-05T22:39:00.007+10:00

She said, hello Mister. Please to meet you

I want to hold her, I want to kiss her

She smells of daisies, she drives me crazy

Be my lover?

My lady river?

Can I take you?

Take you higher?

Gonna hold you, gonna kiss you in my arms

Gonna take you away from harm...

Lyrics

Big Jet Plane - Angus and Julia Stone

I Was Enchanted To Meet You

2011-06-02T23:11:00.004+10:00

thirtyone/ biggest crush of the last five years of my life. almost walked right by you on a city street corner, no double take. your voice is more nasal than i remember, your eyes smaller, your height shorter. and you don't know how to hold eye contact in a conversation. i'm over you, eighteen twentysix.

Speak Now, Or Forever Hold

2011-06-02T22:53:00.003+10:00

Taylor Swift is my not so secret girl crush.

I love her Speak Now, album.

I even love Dear, John.

I like her art from life. Scorned, boys and all.

True, Great Love

2011-06-01T21:02:00.012+10:00

doesn't exist.

Just Shoot Me

2011-05-16T22:29:00.009+10:00

My first real photoshoot in front of the camera, with film rolling through the cameras.

Some photos were edited my myself, but the credit goes to Mindy.

with Mindy from Stripeyheart http://stripeyheart.tumblr.com/

A beautiful creative soul that inspires me to be more artistic, and less commercial.

Don't Marry Me

2011-05-15T22:03:00.005+10:00

Many people around me are getting engaged slash married; including Prince William (yes, because he's really around me)! I get caught up in the excitement and want to play wedding too! But in fact, I don't want to get married, yet.

He said I'm not ready to get married, anyway. I'm not.

Besides telling me he'll blank out my memory like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, the sweetest thing he's ever said was:

"I don't believe in marriage, but I know you do. If it means I can be with you, then I'll get married."

This is not a proposal, (it'd be a pretty substandard one at that) these are however pretty pictures.

Play Me By Heart

2011-05-10T22:26:00.007+10:00

It's been too long since I've truly poured my heart on sleeve in blog. It's because I don't feel the need to, or I work to hard to form fully eloquent thoughts about love, life and the poetic in-betweens.

I feel centred in love; but not that i'm the centre of attention.

I feel true to myself.

This love is pure, and willing to grow. I like the willingness.

It is comfortable but it challenges me to be better than me, to be with him. And vice versa.

I respect him. and every moment he spends unwasted.

I now understand men have priorities, and boys don't.

Once,

every fight was resolved because I didn't know we couldn't be together. (double negative pardon begged) Because you can fit a square peg in a round hole if you bash it hard enough.

Then,

every fight was another excuse to say it doesn't work, to break it up. Because it's easier than bashing a square peg into a round hole and finding out it's crumpled and useless on the other side.

Now,

every fight is a silent knowledge that he will still be there at dawn. Because he's always been there. Because he'll always come around; whether i'm ready or not.

And you realise that time doesn't heal wounds. Wounds become a part of your story, they become scars, defects, baggage. Like a broken arm still hurts after a long day, so will wounds, sometimes.

You recognise that time makes the past irrelevant; no matter how true they were then.

You don't forget, cos you've got a fucking good memory.

But you forgive.

And let by gones be by gones.

And wish them happiness for happiness sake.

Because I am centred in happiness, because

I've found a love to last all seasons.

( Insert photo of heart shaped rock here )

In Front Of The Camera

2011-05-09T23:27:00.004+10:00

I don't usually model. There may be some days when i'm extremely sad and will take a photo of that to document the moment; other than that I usually stay well and truly behind the camera.

However a good friend of mine (Mindy Uyen) who takes amazing photos with film and asked if I would model for her. I would usually decline, but I was very curious about how film photography would turn out and wanted to work with her artistic soul.

So i practised being a model. These are my awkward initial attempts. She will give me the handful of good photos from a handful of rolls that I wasted, and we will compare and contrast.

Amethyst Rings

2011-04-13T22:48:00.002+10:00

Diamonds are overrated.

Sometimes you can always get what you want...

Fight or Flight

2011-04-13T00:18:00.004+10:00

We're given a handful of fight, of flight
Exhausted my weapons on a love not right.
Impulses beckon me to fly away
Whilst heart, it wills me to stand, to stay
On ground where a chasm imploding creeps
Only jump to nadir, sapped spirits weak.

He said I shouldn't write sad poems with mont blanc pens.

But the ink flows so smoothly.

He fought harder than my wings could take flight.

And if he hadn't broken your wings, you'd fly away.

Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls

2011-04-11T23:54:00.002+10:00

I want, need, crave:

Chloe, Elsie large bag

Gary Pepper Vintage Amethyst ring

MORE THAN 24hours in a DAY!

She, Always Belonged To Someone Else

2011-03-22T23:40:00.002+11:00

Today the sunset was most spectacular down the Hume Hwy that I took the long way home through the farms of Donnybrook.

It was golden, and the clouds were shades of aubergine, purple and lilac suspended at difference depths in the sky.

Then Maroon 5's "She Will Be Loved" played on Geelong's Bay FM.

And in this moment I was happy.

Illusions Never Change Into Something Real

2011-03-17T23:24:00.003+11:00

If I choose not to believe in reality, it doesn't just go away.

The Ides Of March

2011-03-14T23:11:00.001+11:00

It seems to be tradition to post on the Ides of March, so I will. No hard feelings. Actually no feelings left at all.

I'm going through a phase of purging anything that is considered clutter in my life. It's really hard to de-clutter everything and having waded through many a op-shops, I realise that humans amass so much waste. Some items become waste because they are no longer used, they were upgraded, they broke, they started to turn green and mouldy. But other items become clutter because they no longer hold sentiment any more. This is what happened to this wooden nameless giraffe.

Months ago, a girlfriend of mine was taken on a date to this cafe with a lovely christian boy appropriately named. Months later, she took us there on her going away celebrations. And as worlds collide, and epiphanies click, I found a home for an unloved giraffe.

This is where it stood in my room, backdropped by my purple wall, amongst my purple flowers

It felt so much longer.

On a cold rainy day, in the quiet corner of the city is this cafe

An eclectic mix of decor, it feels like someone's fobby rumpus room.

Coffee here is pretty bad.

But everything else is quite lame, it's cool.

And here it now stands, hopefully appreciated more than in my room.

I don't do these things because I need closure. It's well and truly closed. I think I do it because the story is more beautiful if you do things, rather than idle nothingness.

R.e.s.p.e.c.t.

2011-03-10T22:50:00.002+11:00

Life is precious, but people shouldn't be.

I had a lovely Sydney weekend with three completely uncomplicated girls all finding their solid place in the life they want to live. We delighted in a long awaited catch-up session, a wedding and constant great food.

We talked like girlfriends and I've definitely missed that. We talked about lost rings, mortgages, fancy cars and designer bags, shoes and wallets. We ate Adriano Zumbo and talked number of kids, boys and men, of love and loss. We lamented on change, for the worse and reminisced about the times when we stressed over coffee and papers. We talked about set-ups, and shared secrets over restless nights. About girls who should demand more respect, about support and commitment and friendships. It was mostly lovely.

I went wedding dress shopping and sorta dread getting married now. There's so much fluff! I was talking to my patient today who is a marriage celebrant and she says "girls these days concentrate on being a princess for a day rather an a wife for a life time." (But what if she wants to be a princess for a lifetime?) Something to think about and remember.

Can You Make Your Awkward Turtle Swim In Circles? ...I Can.

2011-02-26T18:42:00.003+11:00

you do not deserve a number/ "I could lose my job" is the easiest "no."

New Deep

2011-02-21T23:57:00.001+11:00

Numb is the new deep.

My footsteps tread hallow pace
My lungs exhale and reverberate
My eyes leak misty clouds of ash
My heart turns to beige.

I am expendable
I am able to spend
I am careless
I should just care less
I am passionate
Shall I negate passion.
Robots have no heart
But boys do.

Is the new deep numb?

Local Financial Crisis

2011-01-29T18:15:00.000+11:00

Why are silver spoon boys telling me life is hard?

Does anyone else find that ironic?

Don't watch How Do You Know, it's craphouse.

Honestly speaking.

Love & Summer Breeze

2011-01-27T20:45:00.000+11:00

Last weekend I drove straight from Sey_mour to Sorrento, with my tomtom and taylor swift. I spent the weekend soaking up the sun. So much so, that I got burnt, and got told off from my friend working at the Cancer Council while she rubbed aloe vera on my back. Bless her.

Sunday night, drove straight from Sorrento to Kew to Boxhill so that I could attend an engagement party. I realised we're all too young to have social graces about these events, but bought a present anyway.

I think the most peculiar feeling of the weekend was that I found the most expectedly romantic event was the least, and the most unlikely event the most.

"you're so fixated on the perfect beginning that you'll miss the perfect relationship."

from 18year old "i'm your stranger, jump!" sentiment, to "love is friendship on fireworks."

don't sneeze at a boy that runs to his aunty's house to borrow hayfever tablets because you can't stop sniffling/sneezing/crying/clawing your throat out.

no matter how much of a joke it is, i can't find it cute when a boy repetitively sarcastically feigns resentment of his relationship. no girl thinks it's adorable, and no macho brownie points get handed out.

love has a time limit.

i wonder what opacity my rose coloured glasses are because either people change so dramatically or i've been walking around rosey-blind!

it's easy when they change.

it's hardest when you have to walk away.

and not dream of "change the weather still together when it ends."

Cherry Red

2011-01-24T22:42:00.001+11:00

Given a colour scheme

And a design:

This is what I would do:

Source as many textures and colours that fit the scheme.

Make some sample invitations

High-lighting my favourite combination!

Send the samples and individual pieces to her so she can mix and match.

And let her decide!

GO TO SLEEP

2011-01-17T22:33:00.001+11:00

Sometimes I stay up doing absolutely nothing.

But I should really go to sleep because my slumber land looks like this.

And i forget how much I love it!

I wake up to Autumn every day.

♥

The Shoe Doesn't Fit

2011-01-15T22:31:00.000+11:00

Literally!!!

I finally dared to try on the Christian Louboutin patent heels from my "you can't always get what you want" list at David Jones yesterday, and the smallest size they have is 5.5 which are WAY TOO BIG!

Life might as well be over. *sobs*

According To Him

2011-01-12T21:55:00.004+11:00

When a boy hates what you love in yourself, don't listen, for you are better off without him.

When a boy hates what you hate in yourself, listen, for you may become a better person with him.

When a boy makes you feel crap about yourself, remember this:

Titled: I'mperfect

I'm scatter brains.

I'm careless. Sometimes. Then i'm really careful. Othertimes.

I believe in the ephemeral nature of materialistic objects. And upgrading.

I don't always think before i do things. say things.

But i mean no harm. I mean no harm. I mean no harm.

I don't always have a reason for doing things, like walking to Lygon park to have lunch except “just because.”

I'm flighty.

I’m passive. I’m passive aggressive.

I cry.

I laugh.

I don't understand physics.

I'm not logical. But i'm reasonable.

Thunder scares me.

I can’t sleep with the fan on.

I do things last minute. Like Working With Children cards. Like Australian Passports. Like AHPRA registration.

I'm self indulgent. Even if i know about caries.

I don’t eat fruit, breakfast or drink enough water.

I lose Laknock 0.7's all the time. And buy them again all the time.

I leave my phone at home sometimes, so don't lose me.

I leave my phone at work sometimes, so look up all the Tran’s on my street and call me goodnight.

My filofax is forced organisation.

But i'm really good with birthday dates. And anniversaries.

I procrastinate like there's always a tomorrow.

I put my makeup on on the train.

I don't know how to cook rice or do the laundry. I’m learning, I promise.

But i can now drive myself home at 1am. And drive on the eastern.

I'm not a competent human being.

But i try to be. I try. I really try.

I'm silly

I'm condescendable.

"I'mperfect"

I'm human

I use to like my flaws.

But now i remember why i was not worth it.

Not simple enough.

Not pretty enough.

Not healthy enough.

Not hugsie enough.

Not flirty enough.

Not bubbly enough. Bubbly enough. Bubbly enough.

What's In A Name?

2011-01-12T21:46:00.001+11:00

Getting a new Macbook Pro, but I think I've run out of names. Bear in mind that if I use these names for inanimate object, they are also ruled out as names for my unborn children.

1st iPod - Anakin
2nd iPod - Arthur
3rd iPod - Samson
Macbook - Atticus
Macbook Pro - ???????
Focus TDCI - Artemis
Canon 450D - Adison
LG Shine - Lorlei Gilmore
iPhone 3 - Tobias
1st USB - Bobby
2nd USB - Ted Baker
Hard drive - Misterspot
Guitar - Jayden Mayer (Tran)

Any suggestions?

Chasing Rainbows Photoshoot

2011-01-07T04:00:00.001+11:00

Chasing Rainbows Vintage second collection photoshoot, sneak peak

with

Models:

Lil J and Sweet Elle

Photographers:

C. Tung @ belief

Ronald Tan
oh & me!

This first photo is my ABSOLUTE favourite!!!

fixing up Elle's hair.

Twenty Ten

2011-01-06T15:30:00.002+11:00

edit* 11/1/11

On being broken.
If '09 was "if it's a broken heart, replace it" year, then '10 was definitely the year of "if it's a broken arm then brace it." I promise I am not trying to live out Jason Mraz' lyrics.
On work/dentistry.
I have never in my entire life talked about the weather as much as I did this year. That aside, dentistry is exactly where I wanted to be in life. I love the feeling of walking out of a clinic after a long day and say "that was fun and rewarding." Love it! Would live on it! Every other day, dentistry can be so stressful that I gorge out on dark Koko Black chocolates and tea and then brush and floss. That's life, that's where I am at this stage in my life. And we'll keep on truckin'

On money.
I have never in my life had this much money in my bank accounts. Yes multiple accounts, that i don't fully have a grip of it all. I earn as much in one day as i use to in a whole month. It's incredibly staggering to say the least, but I suppose I earned it after all those hours at Frank Tate. Now I get to buy myself and beloved friends presents with my "dental dollars."

On being in love, with my best friend.
It has been the most functional, caring and mature relationship i've even been in, not that there aren't moments to contradict! To have a goodmorning every morning and a goodnight every night means that there is always a connection, whether there be 20km's, time zones or oceans between us. The worse part about this relationship is that we forget to be sweet or romantic because we're familiar with acting like friends in denial about our feelings towards each other. However, the greatest part about being in love with your best friend is the effortlessness of the relationship and seeing him grow into a man (I still say that word cautiously) while still adoring his boyish charm.

On friendship.
Friendship has proven to be more fragile and not as constant as the Babysitters Club led me to believe. Friendship is more convenient than sentimental, more polite than loyal, and more effort than we remembered. And I sadly realised that clichely the good girl always come last.

On organising my life.
I'm going through a zen, de-clutter and throw out all things (loosely speaking) that I don't need phase in my life. It makes me feel good, but I realised I have amassed a lot of shit during the years. I wish I could start over, buy a new house and only take what I need. I'm working on that, saving for that.

On 2010.
All in all, twenty ten was the shake up in life i asked for, now I'm hoping it calms down a bit. It was a challenging year of work and friendships but he kept me together. The moral of this year is that money doesn't buy you happiness (duh!), work is tough (duh! so don't whine about it) but money does buy you storage facilities to clean up your life.

On the future.
The future is delineated by travel, holidays and adventures. I don't even know how old i'll be, or what year it occurs in, but the next five years are roughly planned around where I want to travel, and I can't wait to fulfill these plans! Next year I'm twenty four and getting my life ready to take off! Bring on 2011, year of the rabbit!

Like A Blizzard

2010-12-13T01:02:00.000+11:00

I feel like I've lost my footing; there's so much happening but I don't have time and silent space to sit and reflect on them. For an introverted sentimental fool like me, that's important. My brain is currently filled with half-baked thoughts like this, but more randomly shrewn.

- Buy Stella a tea party set
- Totally forgot forgot the 5th of November, that's a great thing!
- Japan was an awesome trip with my two favourite allies. Crazy, serenity and falling maple leaves. And so. Much. More.
- Buy Chris a carbon fibre tripod, because our love is as stable as a tripod.....haaaa...
- Pay off credit card...
- Clean up clothes
- Do bonbonerrie and table menu's for Tram&Phi's wedding
- Re-sole brown shoes, black patent brogues (sp?)
- Get hair cut
- Buy new MacBook Pro because my battery has died
- Get new credit card, with points
- Get customised number plates screwed into my diesel tractor
- Look up accomodation for Tassie
- Look up flights for London-France-Spain
- Go to HBA
- Disney exhibition
- Finish Millenium trilogy, Anna Karenina, pile of ADJ journal
- Buy dental book with voucher Chris won at recent grads ball
- Book a massage at Aurora
- Eat icecream at Passionflower. Eat fish and chips
- Take photos on 2nd of Jan
- Develop fisheye lomo film
- Pray for a win in the Ashes
- Make a driving CD, including Crazy, Scar Tissue, Fader, more TBA
- Buy vitamins
- Live!

Young Love II

2010-11-11T22:24:00.001+11:00

If I could have a crush on a couple, I would have a soft spot for a pair we (it may have been Feng) drunkenly labelled "Young Love."

When Young Love broke up I was devasted. But he wasn't. See here.

Now girl half of Young Love is engaged to be married, but not to boy half!

=(

Little Bit, Of Love

2010-11-05T22:31:00.000+11:00

Let us talk about frivolous things, because deep and meaningful issues are currently unresolvable and that vexes me. To no end! All I can assuage myself with are some overused platitudes pick up across the

ages.

hold your own

to thine own self be true

to be in harmony with reality

be who you are and say what you feel,

because those who mind don't matter

and those who matter don't mind

if you love me, i'll be forever in your heart.

if you hate me, i'll be forever on your mind.

Happiness is regarded as passivity - no action.

And that's very wrong.

Happiness doesn't just happen, you have to work at it.

if you turn off the sun, i'm still going to shine.

Boy Pause Friends

2010-10-12T21:55:00.008+11:00

Coming from an all girls school, I use to think that i never needed boy (pause) friends but my boy (pause) friends have been some of the most steadfast friends I could ever ask for. However, I have lost some of my closest boy (pause) friends due to their girlfriends, due to being (past tense) their girlfriend, or due to just being a girl.

I met him in a lecture theatre that no longer exists, on a road they plan to close off, in a life that is now a black memory. They say time makes you forget the bad times, but my mind doesn't work that way.

I met him on the 25th of February 2005 at North Lawn. He was overly friendly for a stranger and seemed to be completely unfazed, or oblivious to my silent awkwardness. From there on in, there was always an unguarded ease between us as friends. In the car park of the Art Centre, he'd tell me that he was too selfish to be in a relationship. I'd ask him if he had an acoustic version of The Scientist when my heart was breaking. We would always talk, and have never stopped talking and that's why he is my favourite one of all the below and above mentioned boys. He's competitive yet surprisingly compassionate. Through a window he's perpetually cheerful, but I've since learnt that he's dark enough to see my light. He inspires me to travel, yet he's the only one that's ever felt like home.

I met him at the school for ex(cellence) and it's only ironic in hindsight. At first glance he's aloof and arrogant, but when you get to know the truth he's still arrogant but violently verbose. He has a literary mind but an ethic from sports. He is a spectrum of extremes yet completely mutable to each of his thousand and one friends. He is mostly overrated, but of the heart he is severely underestimated. He has been at my every break-up and I at his. And somehow, through persistent politeness and great Melbourne coffee, we remain the best of friends.

I met him when I was maybe 12 or 13, in the middle of a forest. He pushed me into rivers, tease me endlessly but sleep next to me in a bag on the floor at night's end. He'd get up at 1am and take the batteries out of the clocked that ticked to loud. He's probably my childhood best boy pause friend and from him I believe that boys do grow up, love like men, but keep their boyish charm.

I met them together on the 7:43pm Broadmeadows train from Melbourne Central on a Thursday night due to mistaken identities and hope of fraternal security on late night trains. And I found it. One inspires me to be patient and giving and kind - mature. The other inspires me to dream bold and defy conventionality because he sees my restrained potential. We speak in auras and 5 year plans and swear we'd be friends forever. And though i've never dated a unicorn boy, i feel like the middle sister to two. And that's plenty!

I met him in an elevator that no longer exists. He said I was simple enough to be a guy's friend. We shared the best 3am conversations about love and life, and hand-made birthday cards. But ultimately, he was to complex to be my friend.

Love Lost

2010-10-11T21:26:00.001+11:00

I cannot inherently comprehend why people fall out of love, but I keep hearing it as a deflective reason justifying a foreboding break-up.

I underpin my bafflement to the fact that I am a commitment freak, rather than the more conventionally comical "commitment-phobe". I'm not guarded. I'm unconcerned about appearing emotionally vulnerable. I enjoy falling head over feet over heels (it's the most blissful part!) and saying i love you's. I've desperately tried to bend my mind and abide by the laws of cautious love - not expecting anything more than the temporarism of the relationship at hand; but i failed. Still failing.

I'm not just a commitment freak in terms of relationships, but I also relish writing down dot point plans on public forums (such as blogs that noone reads) so that I am forced to follow through. I can't quit any one of my 3 jobs even if it's doing me more of a disservice. I have been caught up in relationships that were so obviously disfunctional just to attempt to honour a whimiscal promise made with much hope but little thought. Ultimately, I clichely like to say "I dreamt that once upon a time, and then made it happen." Commitment freak!

But I've grown...up wiser.

I still hold true thee equation to love - Fascination, Attraction, Appreciation, Love. However, I've now learned that the order can vary so dramatically that my mnemonic "FAtAL" is rendered futile. Yes, ladies and gentleman, love is fatal. And an engagement ring is worn on the left hand because marriage is "not right". My mnemonics on love are pretty jaded aren't they?

If the combination of these facets are integral to falling in love, then it is a disintegration, whether gradual or sudden, of one of these facets that leads to falling out of love.

Fascination:
Facination is the little things that people do / have / are that have always been amusing and appealling to you. They read latin, play the saxophone, write poetry, watch art house movies, like underground b(r)ands, drive your car, read tolstoy, speak myer briggs, have dreams of chasing winter across the globe while you chase autumn, take photos, etc. It is these intricate things that spotlights their personality from the hum and buzz of everyone else's in the ~~room~~ world.

To lose fascination for someone would mean that THEY would stop being who they have formed themselves to be. If they never read another word of latin, crashed your car, or stopped listening to music; can you lose your fascination for them? I find fascination too shallow that if one truly loved another soul, this wouldn't matter one ounce.

Attraction:
Is purely homonal, pheromonal, physical attraction. Not complicated at all. For me, if he was attractive (enough for me to kiss) day one, he will always be attractive day's end. And that is a constant for me.

Appreciation:
Apple Dictionary Application defines appreciation as:
1. the recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone
2. gratitude for something (someone does for you)
3. a full understanding of a situation (of someone, qualities and flaws and crazy moments)
4. increased monetary value

Appreciation is when you finally understand every fiber of another being and understand why they do what they do and not judge, but nuture. It's when you appreciate them wholy for who they are, especially if they are bad with money.

And when you have the combination of all those facets, you fall in
L O V E. (cue puke now)

I honestly believe it is at appreciation where everything can fall apart. If you're feeling un~~der~~appreciated, or if you lose respect for that person you, will lose appreciation of who they are. It can be by gradual change of personality, morality, dreams in different directions over time, or a dramatic event (someone cheating, straying, violence, etc.) that finds you here. But heed my warning, don't take people for granted and never cease showing your appreciation for someone's love. Never lose someone respect because that's how love is lost.

It confuses me to no end when i check list the above building blocks of love, and they say that it is all still present, yet they still are falling out of love. BAFFLEMENT! Sigh. gives up deciphering these conundrums.

I've fallen out of love once before. It was the 8th of 8th '08 and it was raining. I didn't have an umbrella. I had to walk from class to Melba Hall in the rain to meet him. In that moment in time, I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I would walk so far in such freezing rain for him. Nay, I didn't want to go meet him. For the first time in my life i didn't want to see the person I was supposed to love. And from there on in, everything went downhill and off on tangents. I shuddered at every touch. And there was more disappointment than fascination. I felt unappreciated and he appreciated ~~every~~one else. And when you finally accept that you're not in love anymore, there's so much clarity. See here.

I feel like it's getting easier to walk away from love these days. (I say that like I'm really old, lived and wise but I'm just a measly 23 year old.) Whether people are more prone to upgrading or it is easier to meet new people or people simply enjoy singledom, I'm not certain on the answer. All I know is that those profound words uttered over love bread has lost it's meaning to me. What happened to "you don't marry the one you can live with, you marry the one you can't live without" ? It's the exact opposite these days because everyone is so unromantically independant!

Jadedness aside, the things that make me believe in love are as such.

She runs away to a girls 8 week holiday traipsing Europe. 4 nights to go he packs his suitcase and coordinates a surprise rendezvous, London town. Heathrow, customs officers see lone male traveller, tattoo's on arm bearing her birth date, no Pounds, little luggage. Suspicions sets in. Pulled aside, asked his intentions. Coy he plays until they get serious. Reluctantly reveals his secret "I'm proposing to my girlfriend, okay!" To which he must prove by showing them the Tiffany's ring, while they gush over him. Call him darlin' and sweetheart in english tones. He blushes, enters London with a pocket full of restaurants and proposal destinations ideas given as suggestions by enamoured customs officer.

The End.

Congratulations, Cousin.

If I Can't Find My Wallet, So How In The Hell Am I Going To Find The One That I Love?

2010-09-23T19:08:00.002+10:00

The best way to dry your tears is to face the violent gust of an
on-coming train.

Get on.

And go home.

The Lightness Of Being

2010-09-16T23:03:00.001+10:00

I'd like a flat white, a day of pale skies

And a real kiss

Inside an old house, by the seaside

You can take off my blouse

But take it from me;

I'm disorderly and you'd be off better

writing someone else your love letter

'cause I'm always on the road

And of course I wanna know you better

But you know the way it goes

Well a telegram's no substitute

when it comes to living proof

So go on

and write somebody else...

Your love letter.

Living in that chest is a big, big heart

one that I've known from the very start

And of course, of course I wanna know you better

But you know the way it goes.

Love Letter - Lisa Mitchell

Stolen Dreams

2010-09-14T21:44:00.001+10:00

Garden party idea for 18th, 21st, Proposal, Engagement, Wedding.

Life photos hung by string

on a desolate Autumn tree.

This was MY dream!

Damn you Taylor Swift.

But I secretly innocent-girl crush you.

One Year On

2010-09-14T21:34:00.000+10:00

This time last year I was coming back from Shepparton, some of the most "light" times in my life.

11.09.09

Today, I come home via the same way. With a sunset just as spectacular.

14.09.10

Light and love

♡

Nouveau Riche

2010-09-07T23:13:00.005+10:00

I'm wondering if money changes people. And I'm pondering the concept of nouveau riche and how phony it all is. And I'm hoping I don't exhibit it, but I know I'm in denial and I half hate that I'll be a part of it.

Nouveau riche is a term that refers to a person who has acquired considerable wealth within his or her generation. And it is generally associated with negative connotations of showiness, tackiness, gaudiness, where by those who acquire money too fast do not have the "class" (for want of a better word) to know where/what/how to spend the money.

There is no doubt about it, but I will be earning more than my parents. That's the outcome of their sacrifices. They im/migrated to Australia, worked hard and sent me to some of thee best schools the Victoria's education system has to offer. I am unimaginably grateful for that and I "won't forget my roots" so to speak. I'm a daughter of a migrant family from the 'burbs. But I have been fostered to fall in love with the life of a city dwelling latte sipping hipster. They unfortunately sent me to a school in the city at the tender age of 12 years old which engrained that culture.

To me, money has always been the means of achieving something, rather than something you hoard to let prosper, to keep for eternity. However, money shouldn't just be lavishly thrown around because you can "afford" it. I believe there should be an element of "deserving" it too. This progression of thought occurred to me (although not a revelation, nor anything revolutionary) while shopping for my dream car. I've been in love with this car ever since 2005, when some boy, whom I barely recall, drove us to horse riding. I'm sentimentally obsessed! But I don't think affording a dream car should cost your entire life savings or put me into debt! That's not my idea of a dream. Moreover, there is this innate (or cultural) correlation between said car and a status of high style and of wealth that I humbly judge in myself as still lacking. I hope one day I will deserve these nice items, but not now. Now I'm still just a 23 year old new-graduate, living in her parents house in the 'burbs who can't do a hook turn to save ~~her life~~ time.

I read a feature article that proposes people buy branded luxury items to project the status that they are, or that they want to be. This includes things like Tiffany & Co. keyrings rather than a $2 dollar keychain that does the same thing, or Country Road tea towels rather than $2 checkered ones. I'm not gonna sit here and preach the downgrading of practical items because I know I am essentially an aesthetic-driven person, but just take a moment to think about my premise; are trying to buy our status prematurely?

I'd hate for money to change people, and I have given my best friend full permission to whack me across the head if it does. I'm seeing people who would not be caught dead fine-dining one year go to snapping their fingers at waitresses at cityfront restaurants demanding service. It makes me cringe with disappointment, tinged with disgust, couple with fear of ever exhibiting such a persona. So this is my reminder, as well as Louise's authorised abuse, that I will stay grounded. Humble. To thy self be true.

Oscar Wilde said "anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination," but I know I have a fantastically vivid one, and I shall live within the means I set myself.

I can't believe I will be quoting the bible, but I guess growing up with it's morals makes me who I am today. I shall offset it with some Jeff Buckley.

"If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Matthew 19:21

Money can't buy back your youth when you're old

Or a friend when you're lonely

Or a love that's grown cold

The wealthiest person is a pauper at times

Compared to the man with a satisfied mind

- Jeff Buckley

Darkness, Be My Friend

2010-09-06T01:46:00.004+10:00

She's raking her fingers through the air
Grasping onto strands of light lingering
From yesterday's dawn. But it's not there.
It's not fair.

She's been dragging herself out
Of the shadows for too long,
That there's black fog in her lungs,
Dispersed when you breathed in to her embers
That radiate.

She's a lightness of being, white pastels truth
That poisons with caresses unknown
Nay, darkness gravitates to her side
Like blankets of black that tear
Her down.

But there's not enough darkness
In the world to put out a single candle light.

This time last year, I was in a happy place. The only words I can use to describe that time for me is "free" and "light" and I miss those feelings.

With love and light,

and always hope.

Forgive Me If I'm Young, Speaking Out Of Turn

2010-09-06T01:27:00.000+10:00

Listening to "Come Home" - One Republic & Sara Bareilles

I'm going to apologise so much for everyone I've ever told to just "deal with it" or "accept it" or "suck it up" because however stoic my Vietnamese-live-through-war genes are, sometimes it's SO hard to just deal with it when all you see is darkness.

I'm usually great at keeping a happy front. I can usually write my way through anything or at the very least cry my way through anything. But sometimes when you can't change a dark past and you're momentarily trapped in its eye, emotions are thrown around off walls that you end up in a scattered mess hoping someone would put you back together again. There are no heroes, no king's horses nor king's men.

Tonight I metaphorically danced the tight rope of rejection in your sandals, and boy did it hurt. In your place I was a pathetic mess of jealousy, hurt and self blame. On my side I felt guilt and disbelief that I wish you would just get over it. Because I'm not even over it. I sat for 10 minutes staring at a "send" button of this email and was too gutless to send it. Here in the anonymity of a blog, I pathetically post it.

I know this is not what you're expecting, but I'd like to send you an honest apology about how things turned out with us. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you and I know it's probably silly that this email is being sent now, but I want it out there because I never got to say it. I've always valued your friendship and throwing all pride aside, I miss it. I don't expect anything and I understand that things are the way they are now. Thanks for hearing me out. I hope life is sweet and that everything is great for you.

When I love, I think "no one will do but you." Guess he finally thought the same. And the rest is history but the journey was the one less trodden.

Part Time Romance

2010-09-06T00:46:00.001+10:00

I wrote this on a train, on purple paper in a filofax I have since defaced. I think I need a new one.

"I miss writing flowing allegories about life. One doesn't write poetry about mediocre. The words to describe normal every day life doesn't dance off the tongue or sing the ways sweet allegories do. They sound a little like this:

Life is a settled day-to-day progression into the unknownness of the future as we cling to the boundaries of our 5 year plans...."

And then I never finished that entry, but the sentiment is running rife in my head at the moment. Life is good, I really can't complain about I'm going to try! Life is so "good" it's getting repetitive. I concede that we always want more, and so i understand that everything I want is a bonus...but I want those heartlifting moments, those heartwarming conversations and those heartfelt promises. These days, the moments that make me feel most alive is seeing the sunrise from the train window, the open plains and the fog lifting and when he kisses me on the shoulder infront of the bathroom mirror before we go out. And I miss them. And I need more of these moments of "light" to get me through.

Work, Life & Balance

2010-08-29T22:04:00.001+10:00

Work
So after feeling like I'm a workaholic, which I NEVER intended to be, I have decided to work some 3-day weeks in September too save my sanity! Works good, don't get me wrong, I just also enjoy my social life and my sloth life. So here's to a slothful September!

Weather
I once told someone that sunny weather cures 40% of my problems and they proposed that I should move to Egypt. I haven't moved to Egypt, but my pyschologist patient actually has numbers to back my theory up! People are generally more depressed around Winter and he's awfully busy at work. See, i'm not crazy and melodramatic! Other people are also crazy with me, which makes us all sane, really.

Weekends
I used my long weekend (which is a two day weekend) at op-shops, camby market, galleries, drinking 3 coffees per day, having double awkward dates (which was surprisingly not awkward whatsoever) and spending it with some of my best friends.

Double Awkward Dates
Went on a double date with the boy/guy/man that put me off double dating in the first place. But actually it was quite nice being on the other side. of the table.

Tim Burton > Masters
The Tim Burton exhibition was fantastic and witty and dark and twisty, and full of puns! And I like puns, even if they're a simpler form of humour. It sees works from his younger child years, that fortells a macabre genius bursting to break free, to his high-production works on top Hollywood movies - Edward Scissorhands, Batman, When Mars Attacks, Alice In Wonderland et cetera. Some of my most memorable works include the poem penned at school about being disappointed that his "Blind date" could actually see. And the image of a torture soul pondering the inscription "a full bottle in front of me or a frontal lobotomy." Genius! Kim and I have vowed to get back in touch with our drawing/sketching after this day.

The Masters at the NGV was half good, half bad. I love pretty art, or art that has meaning. I don't always love perfectly captured art (why not just take a photo?) and I don't really like portraits much. I acknowledge that the painter has great skill and talent in capturing said subject to the greatest detail, but so what? It's very subjective what art gives each person meaning and the latter-year Masters did not mean much to me. So much so that Lucas and I started completing the kids questions attached to each painting. ie. "can you find something in this painting that starts with the same letter as your name?" Mine was "view", his was "lamp". But the early Masters, the Impressionist, were still amazing playing with light and colour. I'm all about making your first impressions count. Tell that to my denture patients.

Tim Burton, highly recommended!

Loyal Ties

2010-08-12T20:56:00.001+10:00

sigh.

They say you'll never be challenged with anything that's beyond your strengths. It's probably true. But it seems like whenever you're tested, it's always regarding that which you hold dearest to your heart. For me, that's love, friendship and my home. That's the core of me, and everything else is a bonus.

Friendship, I think my notion of friendship is too sentimental. I think I'm just too sentimental in general. And I'm not coping very well in a society that is more materialistic than sentimental, more fickle than friendship, more inconsistent than persistency.

Love, is hard. It's all about understanding and being okay with being understood. Sometimes it's about compromising and accepting that the person you love is willing to compromise for you. But the moments of pure laughter, love, joy and fist-bumping is truths that you can't forget.

Home makes my skin crawl, makes me sleepless and makes me untrusting. It makes me go out every weekend and pretend to go swimming on my days off. It makes me sleepless, tired, angry, grumpy and drive recklessly in 6-cylinder engine cars I can't handle.

At the moment my life in one word is "make-shift". I'm not settled, life's not normal and I keep putting things off waiting for something to fall into place and reveal a semblance of equilibrium! I feel like I'm making plans that come up far too soon. Tripping over my toes and ending up in a spin. I feel like i'm not making my own plans, because "free days" are filled with things that I have to attend with people I don't want to attend for. Or when I make plans, they get hijacked by inconsiderate people anyway and turn out to be thee most awkward-kill-me-now dinners ever!

But there's always hope, because sometimes you have to

put up with the the rain to see the rainbow.

With hope, always hope.

Boy Story 3

2010-07-29T21:56:00.000+10:00

If a boy breaks up with you with the words "let's call it a day" he is not worth another day of your life. Even if he asks to meet up.

If a boy asks for an open relationship at the start of the relationship, consider it as an option if you're not done field playing. If he asks in the middle, it means you make it the end.

If a boy writes in electronic black and white that he is "thinking bad thoughts and justifying them in unwholesome ways in my mind that i'm really not proud of. No longer seeing other females just as friends, but even possible more than friends" while denying it to other people. You know the truth, and you own it.

If a boy ticks all your boxes and barges into your life, only to be taken away by 20 hour flights and many seas; don't blame him for taking away your happiness, blame him for experiencing it.

If a boy tells friends that if he had to go out with anyone, it would be you, it means you were liked first. Box ticked.

If a boy never buys you jewelry, ask yourself if you want to live like that forever. (just watched SATC).

If a boy gives you flowers, and gives every other girls flowers too, adore him but don't fall for him.

If a boy can't be your friend, you won't be his.

If a boy gives you a present intended for his ex that was never given, accept graciously but never wear it.

If a boy thinks you can't walk to the car, and insists on driving the car to the front door of the restaurant while you wait awkwardly with your mobile phone. You know there's no chance and he would be much more suitable with a less independant girl.

If a boy asks for your number after you step on his toes with 4 inch heels, you politely decline, don't kid yourself! You're not gonna be friends! Do give the boy props when he shakes your hand and says no hard feelings.

There are three type of boys that I know of, in love.

One writes words so sweet you'd swear honey dripped cursive from the tip of his fountain pen.

One swears he has honey running through his veins and you have no choice but to believe his truth until he proves otherwise. He proved otherwise.

One chooses to make you manuka honey and lemon at 1am for your sore throats because you can't sleep due to coughing your diaphragm out.

Low Saturation

2010-07-20T07:56:00.000+10:00

Warning! Work whinge:

I'm to whimsical to be working this hard!
Endrant

Too Late For Heroes

2010-07-13T23:24:00.000+10:00

My mind is so hectic right now that thoughts aren't full sentences. This is the best I've come up with:

What is love? Is it about fate, or choice or just someone that can 'fit' into your life? Or all of thee above? And isn't that asking for too much?

I'm waiting for the moment of perfection when the song i'm listening to has the exact same beat as my indicator. Still waiting.

I believe feminism and a sweet boyfriend can coexist.

"I Wanna - All American Rejects" is my sunshine song.

Dramatised: My heart breaks because my first love's heart is crushed by loving the heart of whom I gave on a silver platter.

Money sucks, because I spend too much time per week at a bank instead of art shops. I know I have no right to complain. I wouldn't mind having less, it's easier to control.

Sometimes, you just have to be your own hero when your hero goes MIA.

I treated a family member, at 20% discounted rates!

I need more sleep, love, living. and whimsical stuff!

Friends? Check

Money? Check

Well slept? un-check

Opposite Sex? Check

Guitar? Check

Microphone? un-check

Message waiting on my phone? Check

Vintage, On The Side Please

2010-07-04T22:03:00.004+10:00

Chasing Rainbows Photoshoot I

sneak peek...

Location: Melbourne University

Photos taken by yours truly, and C. Tung at Belief.

Modeled by Little J, and Collen V.

Directed by Big V.

gone chasing rainbows =)

Unsatisfied Mind

2010-06-20T23:08:00.004+10:00

Please sir, I would like a...

NEW BAG

Mulberry Bayswater Leather Bag

But I wish I bought a fake one in Thailand cos I can't tell the difference anyway!

Mulberry Alexa Oversized Bag

cos as much as we hate to admit it, we do love Alexa Chung

NEW GLOVES

Any full grain black leather gloves, as long as they FIT MY HANDS! I lost my vintage ones that fit perfectly at a karaoke bar in the city, and am waiting for my Prince Charming to bring that lost leather glove back to me. Fat chance.

NEW MACBOOK PRO

NEW DRESS

I've been abit obsessed with this Lanvin dress for ages, and then Rose Byrne wears it on the cover of Vogue.

Stalking the dress with iPhone in a magazine in Borders

NEW CAR

I'm waiting for my car to die on the Hume Hwy so I can get a car with cruise control so I stop speeding...maybe like this:

Although my dream car is still the Volkwagen GTI, I can't drive it because I'm still on my Green P's til 2012. *hangs head in shame*

NEW WALLET

But sometimes i do get what I want....

Salvatore Ferragamo Continental Wallet

I've been thinking about this wallet for 6 months. It marks my new life, working for new hard earned money. It was brought back from Malaysia by Trang, who incidentally gave me my 18th birthday wallet i've been using til now. (Let's ignore the fact that I lost/got it stolen and replaced it with one of the same design).

I call it my "I have to work on a Saturday" Wallet. =)

Dragonfly

2010-06-09T21:14:00.000+10:00

Inspired by the Planetarium's explanation of black holes

A dragon fly upon a reed
Through filtered riples you I see
You're basked in light,
A dazzling grey
But in my midst, you'll never stray

You live in worlds of clogs and cars
Of plans of plans ten years too far
I live in oceans too deep to see
Of reflected colour, timeless, free.

But never once you'll test your toes
Fill your lungs, inflate your soul
And daily I would hold my breath
To navigate your empty chest

A shallow world of birds and bees
Can I accept, for love of thee?
Or shall we dance the line unmentioned?
This unstable concept of surface tension?

Although it sounds a bit glum, life is actually pretty sweet. I had the realisation that I'm going out with the boy that I would've made my "If we're 30 and single, let's hook up" deal with, which leaves me bit out in the cold if I get to be 30 and single, OR it makes me 7 years ahead of my plan. Thaaat's pretty awesome.

The Back-Up Plan

2010-05-26T18:41:00.000+10:00

Life's like this...you make yourself ~~grand~~ modest plans and try to live as close to those plans as you can. You give yourself a three year leeway because you know life can be uncooperative. But I'm one of those contradictory optimistic people who like to prepare for worse-case scenario, like the ground swallowing me whole.

If ~~everything goes to the shits~~ life doesn't work out in Melbourne, I will:

Gather my savings and run away to New York City, working as a dental sales representative. Work part-time as something artsy to save my sanity and spirit, while studying for my registration as a dentist in the US. Then live happily ever after in a high lofted New York apartment with a pet ragdoll cat. =)

Sometimes when nothing works, shaking life up by its horns is always an option.

Here's to hoping for smoothish sailing that I never have to activate this back-up plan.

Can We Pretend?

2010-05-22T00:20:00.008+10:00

Choose a band/artist: John Mayer  
Answer the following questions ONLY using titles of their songs

Are you male or female: Daughter
Describe yourself: Not Myself 
How do some people feel about you: Something's Missing... 
How do you feel about yourself: Comfortable
Describe your ex boyfriend / girlfriend: Why Did You Mess With Forever?  
Describe current boyfriend / girlfriend: Your Body is a Wonderland (haha, sorry)  
Describe where you want to be: Great Indoors
Describe how you live: a Homelife 
Your favourite transportation: Stop This Train
Favourite time of the day: '83
If your life was a TV show, it would be called: Only Heart
Your greatest fear: My Stupid Mouth
What would you ask for if you had just one wish: Come Back To Bed? (hmm) 
Share a few words of Wisdom: This Will All Make Perfect Sense Someday 
Now say goodbye: Break Away!!!

DO NOT's

Do not think the barrista is hot until you hear him call out your Starbucks name in a Malaysian accent. *cringe, giggle, cringe*
Do not high beam a cop car parked on the side of the Hume Hwy, then freak out.
Do not almost get run over by a hooning street sweeper off Queensberry Street.
Do not use the incorrect cap for your retractible eye-liner and have it squished at the end of the wrong lid. On the first day of use, no doubt.
Do not sit on First Class and act like it's the first time you caught a train, just because they have curtains.
Do not wear boots that don't let you bend at the ankles when you drive (excuse double negative) and not be able to use the break pedal
Do not tell your patients "i'm going to put you down" in reference to lying the chair back flat.
Do not get over excited about your first drive-through car wash experience that you start taking photos
Do not get picked up by people who wear Ed Hardy clothing.
Do not threaten to tape your Dental Degree to your forehead to make you appear smarter

Ever feel like life is too short to surround yourself in people that don't make you happy. That you're spending time pleasing everyone else to the detriment of yourself? That you have to go out of your way to accommodate for some inconsiderate request just because you're too polite or non-confrontational to know how to say NO. Ever feel like you are so over negative people? And don't understand why they complain all the time. Because you feel like complaining expends way too much energy than just sucking it up and getting on with life. And at the same time, it releases a little black cloudy spirit sucking aura around them. Sorta like dementors. haha! But you understand that some people are the complete opposite of you, and actually release their negative energy when they complain, rather than expend negative energy. But now you realise that however mutable you are, you'll just never sit happily in the constant company of people like that. So you'd rather spend your precious life surrounded by people that...make you happy. Life is too precious to waste, so live high!

He once asked me why I like the idea of love so much. I replied that I think one of the reasons of life is to experience emotions, as many as life offers (without the use of illicit drugs). And "love" is (suppose to be) the most intense emotion. That's why. I don't know how much he understands. He likes making money, which is really important in this life. But money doesn't phase me too much. At the end of the day, I don't need 10 properties, I just want one good honest roof over my head that I'd call home.

"It's the pointless things that give your life meaning. Friendship, compassion, art, love. All of them pointless. But they're what keeps life from being meaningless." - Tim Winton

Choose a band/artist: Jason Mraz 
Answer the following questions ONLY using titles of their songs  

Are you male or female: Only Human
 Describe yourself: A Beautiful Mess 
How do some people feel about you: that i'm Shy That Way
How do you feel about yourself:  I'm Yours
Describe your ex boyfriend / girlfriend: Geek (In Pink), Bella (Luna) 
Describe current boyfriend / girlfriend: If It Kills Me
Describe where you want to be: Half Way Home 
Describe how you live: Live High
Your favourite transportation: Butterfly
Favourite time of the day: After An Afternoon (with you)
If your life was a TV show, it would be called: Details In The Fabric (Feat. James Morrison)
What is your greatest fear: 0% Interest
 What would you ask for if you had just one wish: Love is Real 
Share a few words of Wisdom: God Moves Through You
Now say goodbye: (The Boy's) Gone!

This is my Sunday morning secret. Passionfruit cupcakes at the Arts Market on Southbank is the most amazing cupcakes I've ever had. EVER! I like the description too.

Love Letters

2010-05-17T00:26:00.000+10:00

Love is leaving a pink toothbrush next to his.

Love is calling up every Tran on my street in the whitepages, because I forgot my phone at work.

Love is only as fast as the slowest walker, in heels.

Love is functional.

Love is same wavelength humour.

Love is beautiful, not hot.

Love is day to day reality.

Love is a relationship.

Love is happiness in the moment. Not unpromised futures.

Love is not a sweet romance. I know.

Love is friendship and fireworks.

Love is what it is, as long as it's true.

This is all coming "from a heart i'm still working on." - J.Mayer

'Cos there's still much to fumble about and figure out.

Just watched Letters To Juliet. It's so corny yet sweet. Christopher Egan looks like a young Heath Ledger in sunnies, it makes your heart sigh. In a loved-up mood. Sorry about the puke-worthy entry. Pass the bucket please.

Summer Love, Happened So Fast

2010-05-13T22:14:00.002+10:00

dear summer,
i miss you. i miss how you were so close to me, next to my skin, enveloping me in your warm presence. how you'd melt me and we'd meld on that sundrenched afternoon. i miss your lingering light that never leaves me in the dark, wondering, waiting, wishing you'd call. but most of all, i miss your breeze that kisses my nape, my knees and exposed knuckles.

dear winter,
you're cold and i'm lonelily waiting, with clenched knuckles and crossed knees. you draw all life from me; my spirit leaves a little each morning through my exasperated words and evaporate like mist from my lips. you snap at my bones making my body shudder at your caress. why? i thought i loved you? you leave, turn a cold shoulder, and walk away. so i huddle with my knees to my chest drawing on my own heat. my own heart beat. didn't you love me, at all?

blahblahblah. i'm not sure what to feel about this whether. blaH! ventover. yes this is how i vent.

Daughters, Become Lovers, Who Turn Into Mothers Too

2010-05-11T22:55:00.000+10:00

When (if) I have children, I will let them love wisely and whole heartedly, and do everything I can to make life easy for them.

When (if) I have children, I just want them to be happy. And will love whomever makes them happy.

When (if) I have children, I will let them make mistakes because life is there so they can learn.

When (if) I have children, I will support the spirit that they are whether that be a pseudo-artistic dentist or a world-traipsing photographer based in NYC.

I love my mother, she's superwoman, honestly! She works 5.5 days a week and still manages to come home and drive me (back in the day) or my brother to tutoring in Carlton 2-4 times a week and cook dinner AND go to Church meetings and choir practice with a lot of miscellaneous ET CETERAAaaahhh.

But she's really tough, and I'm a bit "fancy free."

And nothing I can do feels good enough. Even if I do the obedient daughter thing, study hard, get the scholarships, the elective schools entry, the top one percentile TER, thee degree...the moment I step a foot wrong, I'm a disappointment again.

Lefts, Rights And Wrongs

2010-04-26T00:55:00.000+10:00

Just because you confess, it doesn't make it right.
It just alleviates your guilt.

A murderer who pleads guilty, is still a murder.

A cheat that admits it, is still a cheater (not a cheetah, they're cool).

Just because you're sorry for your actions, it still makes you wrong.
And it doesn't mean I need to forgive you, ever.

Lorlei Gilmore

2010-04-21T22:16:00.004+10:00

Sweet weekends start with hanging out with BFF's, bumping into Shirley, and Roti Canai.

They continue to hot afternoons with the boy ~~best~~ friend, grocery shopping with cofffee in hand and trying to make Panna Cotta, unsuccessfully. Then curling up to a cartoon.

They end at Abbotsford markets, where we keep repeating the line "I could make that" and end up not buying anything. My cousins have decided that I need to shout them for the rest of my life to repay them for the last 5 years. Something doesn't add up. Markets inspire side business companies with name appropriated from my 21st Birthday theme. I hear it's so me.

LONG weekends roll onto Mondays-off see traditional Post-Paedodontics swim required for stress-alleviation moved to Mondays 9am/5:30pm depending on school dental schedule! Physio makes for faster healing and warm drives to city lunch dates with him. Passionfruit mousse is better than tutti fruity tooth type anyday. Melbourne to Brunwick to Melbourne again chasing a lost part of my soul. Found at last, this time I bought it with a 2dollar inflation and the sentiment is all mine, rather than belonging to an almost-friend.

What's with Melbourne weather that I be wearing floaty dresses like it was summer moored on a beach?

Tuesday work fell perfectly in place means on time. Drove home to an hour of spectacular lightning strikes display over the Hume Hwy on a clear sky. Coincidentally listening to Mayer's lyrics "lightning strikes, inside my chest to keep my up at night..." while the electric bolts danced in time with the music like a real time winamp visualisation. Yeah, pretty easily amused.

LG = Life's Good

Could You Be My Yellow, When I'm Feeling Grey?

2010-04-18T23:55:00.002+10:00

Lesson learned for the second time, don't mix friends with friends.

Off guard, on love.

I'd really love James Morrison (not the trumpet guy) to play a gig in Melbourne. Australia even!

"You are just dust and ashes to me now." - Tess

Jane: It is the tale of a young woman. Two young women. Better than their circumstances.
Cassandra: So many are.
Jane: And two young gentlemen who receive much better than their deserts as so very many do.

I've learned that just because you like someone, doesn't mean you have to be with them. That just because you like being in the company of someone, doesn't mean you love them. That just because you don't miss someone, doesn't mean you don't love them. That just because you got along, it doesn't mean you're special. That just because you don't get along doesn't mean you don't love them. That even if you're different (as everybody is) doesn't mean you can't get along. Especially if there's lots of whole hearted love, understanding and if not, honest un-begrudging accepting.

"Not everyone finds their soul mate." - L. Seah
"But I don't believe in a soul mate." - V. Tran

I don't like crafts market because I think I can make everything people are selling.

"And it kicks so hard, it breaks your bones
Cuts so deep, it hits your soul
Tears your skin, and makes your blood flow
It's better that you know
That love is hard." - J. Morrison

Vanaediem? V(subscript)23?

As Low As Reasonably Acceptable

2010-04-12T22:54:00.004+10:00

Vi - "to prevent disappointment, don't have expectations"

"but for dreams to live, shouldn't expectations be ALARA?" - Yijun

HU-ME?

2010-04-12T20:42:00.000+10:00

Driving Thoughts

I saw my first rainbow over the Hume Hwy today =)
I saw my first cop car on the Hume Hwy today. Will stop trying to speed.
Worse thing about driving the Hume is the road kill. Including the bugs that splaAtter on your windscreen
I was once cleaning the bugs off my windscreen at a red light, with the water and wipers. Then I noticed I was spraying the convertible next to me. I looked straight ahead and HOPED the light would turn green quickkkk
What the hell is a WEIGHBRIDGE and why is it always closed?
My radio cuts off half way through my drive at the most scenic part, where the Hume cuts through rolling hills. I mentioned this to Jason, and he explained it was the Great Dividing Range. I miss my ponderings being answered by Jason if I just voice them out loud.
I'm currently cruising to John Mayer - Battle Studies

It's Your Heart, On The Line

2010-04-06T21:25:00.006+10:00

This is not the present. So this is fiction.

who said love was beautiful?

i'm not going to write about the first time we met and how the city lights hung in the air like a long shutter exposure, or the time we talked through night and watched dawn shadow over the sycamore tree. i'm not going to write about the first time we held hands or how you would kiss me on my shoulder and i felt like i had wings.

no.

i'm not going to write about how your heart beats in time with my radial pulse when i fell asleep with my palm on your chest thinking you'd be mine forever. i'm not going to write about your waking smile in the whiteness of morning sheets and how i hold my breath when you touch my lips like braille.

i'm not going to write about that at all.

instead, i'm going to write about the first time you swore i didn't know how to love you, and i believed you. i'm going to write about the afternoon i was crying because you told me i'm incompetent at my job and left me walking to the intersection, while you took the tram. i'm going to write about how we stood in the kitchen and argued about my blunt knives. and how you never cooked for me again, after that.

i'm going to write about how you compared me to her while you held her hand and ran fingers through her hair. i'm going to write about how you mumble too much and walk too fast. i'm going to write about how you kiss with your eyes open and love with your heart on the bedside table. i'm going to write about nights where you counted how many tears you didn't cry and told me off for being a overemotional unpoetic mess.

i'm not going to write about falling in love.

no, i'm going to write about trying but never getting anything back. i'm going to write about accommodating too much because i'm passive and you're arrogant. i'm going to write about having to petition ceasefire just so i could breathe. about love unravelling and watching in denial. i'm going to write about frustration, ~~your~~ loss, emptiness, disillusions and tears.

it's not going to be pretty, my dear.
but i'm going to write, about us.

Small Talk

2010-04-05T01:55:00.007+10:00

"There's got to be someone out there who's real
There's got be someone who can honestly say they feel
~~This music~~ These words underneath my fingertips
She says, "get a grip girl, cause guys like that don't exist"

Ever feel like no one understands?

"If you don't want to talk all evening about something deep and meaningful that I find interesting, then go away."

I hate it when I'm talking to someone and a new topics overlap before we've finished talking about the last one, but I'm to polite to hark back.

I miss midnight car conversations about self, love and life. Not tangible reality.

Small talk is what I use to fill the silence with my patients while I wash my hands. Not my best friends.

Some people are too dark for me. Some people are too light for me. People should just be shades of purple. Problem solved.

On Live Music | Music Lives On

2010-04-02T23:28:00.013+11:00

There's no doubt I love my live music. Some of the most memorable nights of my life were at gigs. Need we mention Jason Mraz '06 complete with encore proposal? So it's sweet that working life lets me go to any gigs I want to, given that I can get back from working in the country in time. Or I just take the day off, as I will do for the John Mayer concert.

Work is currently challenging but I know one day it will decrescendo to mildly-interesting, euphemism for bland, repetitive and "just work." That's the nature of dentistry. Isn't that the nature of most work? But it's the life I chose and the life I want. I want to do something I am competently able to do without too much anxiousness. I don't want to change the world, but I want to travel the world on the money that I earn. I prefer helping someone on a personal level. I want to be able to fund scrapbooking because it's so ridiculously expensive that I counted it towards my "assets" when the bank asked me what I owned. (They also count designer bags as assets, but op-shop Gomesh bags don't count) But what really makes me drive 182.6 kms everyday is that i'll be able to spend my nights going to gigs like these:

John Mayer - Battle Studies

Douchebagginess aside, I still think he creates great music. Not as consistently, but still great! I wish this album came out at the start of 2009. I think it's his post-failed relationship to singledom album.

It delves into the frustration of relationship conflicts in its aptly titled first song Heartbreak Warfare. Sometimes verge-of-breakup fights require you to hold up defences with a logical explanation for every thought you have, every breath you take and arm yourself offensively with accusations, real or assumed. My favourite line is "if you want more love, why don't you say so." But ladies, real men don't say this. They say things like "more effort is not sustainable, so you might aswell not try." HA!

Who Says is cheeky with abit of wry! It's about doing all the things you couldn't do while in a relationship, like getting stoned, planning a trip to Japan alone, or drinking copious amounts of Bubble Cup.

Half Of My Heart sounds like a try hard Taylor Swift pop hook, so it's a good thing that they "collaborated." Why are there so many collabs with artists these days? It took me a while to warm up to this song, but once I actually listened to the lyrics, it's a little deeper than the pop melody. But I don't think he means 'half of my heart' but more like I'm ruled half by my heart, half by my head and half by my selfish male needs. And he's all torn.

Friends, Lovers or Nothing is just true. Except with him, who's my best friend and lover. Lack of day zero and wwwf comparisons leave me awfully confused.

My favourite on this album is Perfectly Lonely. It's when you're happily settled into singledom but definitely open to the opportunity of new love. I would've totally cruise up and down the Hume Hwy to this song.

Mark Sholtez @ Bennett's Lane

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! So excited! SO much more than John Mayer. He's so awesome live! This is my review of his '06 gig. I was clearly a swooning 19 year old.

16 July 2006

Love Me For My Cool

Mark Sholtez at Bennetts Lane was absolutely fantastic! After a mock 'date' with Chris we followed Michael's directions to the jazz club. Live jazz, cute crooner in a slacks and sneakers, long instrumental solos, great music, sweet sensual cheeky lyrics makes for a great time! It had it all! His voice was so goood. Mellow and deep and controlled. At times it was a whisper, or a note held at the back of his throat, then it was bellowed coursely matching the instruments loudness. He's got this cute pouty grin and dipples! So cute. He is a little tentative on his accoustic guitar, but his voice makes up for it ten fold. Maybe i think that because i've seen and heard amazing jazz bluesy guitarists, namely John Mayer. The atmosphere was buzzing yet laxed. It was quiet, perhaps because we were being recorded that night or maybe because Mark is just damn mesmerising! People were tapping their feet, clapping their hands on thighs, nodding their heads to the beat. Gigs are soooo good. I stole a set list and Mark signed it afterwards. (I don't know where I put it for 'safe keeping') He's so nice! He even recognised us from the front row. Music should make the world go round, well good music anyway. Afterwards, we were still buzzing and relistened to my favourite track - Dream About You

You say you wanna shed your skin

Sorry that you ever let love in

And if he hadn’t broken your wings

You’d fly away

It’s hard to look past regret

When you’ve got no confidence left

And the mirror will only reflect

'cause you can’t see

You’re beautiful

Lisa Mitchell - Wonder

This album was my Light during my final year swotvac. She's whimsically wonderful and I've written poetry inspired by her melodies. Need I say more!

And i really want to go to Regina Spektor but their are only crap seats left =(
*EDIT* Now going with Tori, Marlene & Co. =)

Excuse Me Please

2010-04-02T21:42:00.000+11:00

I was Keshae long before Ke$ha! And although she's a gazillion times more successful than me, i'd just like to point that out. Thank you very much.

iGeneration

2010-03-27T21:52:00.005+11:00

I don't think people have normal conversations anymore. There is a parody in How I Met Your Mother where Ted is flirt-texting a girl and after every sentence she adds "haha, lol, just joking . . . or am i?" For me that almost sums up the effect of "instant messaging" and lack of face to face contact that is part and parcel of growing up in the 21st century. It's a completely different ball game to what our parents were playing!

Our parents met, be-friended, courted via face to face conversation or written prose, fell in love, THEN they got married.

These days, guys at bars ask if you're on facebook in order to contact you again. People crazily think there's this order of technological contact you have to advance through before asking someone out. 1) facebook add 2) facebook private message 3) msn 4) texting 5) talk on phone. And if you get ONE of those orders wrong, your chance at courting severely decreases.

I know I can't complain too much because I'm very much a product of the 21st centry and do enjoy the multitasking multi-people contact with minimal effort. I am admittedly always on msn and have had some of the most heart felt 3am conversations on this medium. But there are many facets of this method of communication that makes me feel phony, wishing for the old-school "real" ways.

MSN conversations allow you to mask feelings - say whatever you want, then drop a 'LOL' before or after to diffuse a punch line's severity so that it becomes 'just a joke'. The truth is ambiguous and allows for double guessing, assumptions and uncertainty. It allows you to do highly emotional things, like crying on one end of the keyboard, but appearing absolutely sane and composed in the words you're typing down. It allows people to get stuff off their chest in a very unemotive cold way. It's not real! Real is reflexive body language, whether happy hurt or heartbroken. Real is the intensity of your laughter at something unimaginably funny, not the intensity of capitalisation of the onomatopoeia 'haha.' Real is the blush in your cheeks when a crush asks you out. Real is also dancing around your room in frantic circles smiling out loud to yourself and screaming joyously on mute when your crush asks you out over msn. BUT back to my point, real is when your eyes swell up misty in an unguarded wholehearted response to someone, in either a good way or bad. That's real!

Perhaps people are getting either more pathetic, or more rude. I admit that i'm awkward as anything, but i would have the guts and conviction to say it face-to-face if I had to convey an important message to someone. It's easy to hide behind not-so-instant messaging because it's less confronting, but it doesn't make it the right delivery. Maybe people these days are just lazy, as well as pathetic and rude, and find minimal effort, time and money the best justification. For significant circumstances, at least dress it up in the grandeur sentiment of an old-school hand written letter with a 50 cent stamp for crying out loud!

In the day and age we're living in, with all this technological conversation becoming every day life, what is acceptable and what is rude? And what will become normal?

Can you ask someone "out" over msn?
Can you say I love you, for the first time and mean it, on msn?
Can you ask for someone back over msn?
Can you ask someone to marry you over msn?
Can you tell someone you don't like them over msn?
Can you write someone a breakup letter over a blog?
Can you end 10 year friendships in a single text message?

All these hypotheticals that are asked are currently do-able, but with questionability on each one's social acceptability. But I fear one day they will become the norm. I thought we drew the line at the phone line for emotion-laden exchange of prose for life changing events. At least it was real time, real voices and real awkward stagnant pauses. It would sadden me if the emotional exchanges of the big moments in our lives degenerate into desensitised l e t t e r s on a screen.

source

One more thing, I hate when people constantly change their statuses on facebook while they're suppose to be living a moment! Exhibit A: "ZOMGGG i'm at a Jason Mraz concert, woo000tt." Grrr

LIVE IN THE MOMENT, PEOPLE!

If The Shoe Fits

2010-03-27T15:11:00.002+11:00

Had another week off work due to getting my 8's out. Gonna have Easter weekend next week. I think i'm one of the laziest dentists without trying to be.

General Anaesthesia is a terrible feeling to wake up to! I thought getting my 8's out would be a piece of cake given the multiple times I've seen it done. But it's NOT! It's still minor surgery. So i will not take it lightly when I need to refer a patient with impacted 8's to go under GA.

That being said, I spent the week freeee as a bird, hanging out with Louise, Trang, Chris, Alice and anyone that would have me. And window shopping!

Now I want these:

Nine West 'Debutante' Platform Sandals

Nine West 'Fuschia' Suede Sandals

They are reminiscent of Marni's Suede Sandals, but not $1295AUD

Marni Suede Sandals

I Love Autumn

2010-03-15T08:35:00.000+11:00

This is my "I Love Monday" submission to Much Love Mondays.

It's actually my Ides of March post for Monday 15th of March Twenty10.

How appropriate.

I Love Autumn

If only hearts grew on trees -

Replaced every Spring,

Get burnt every Summer

Fall every Autumn

Freeze over each Winter

Replaced every Spring...

Black And Blue Birthdays

2010-03-07T01:27:00.004+11:00

Caught up with Tiff today for Lunch.

Life changed, but everything else is still the same.

Caught in thee rain. Puckle St, Moonee Ponds.

Swam through puddles with my fellow Pisces friend.

Laughing at squelching shoes.

Navigating around bottomless puddles in BMWs.

Broady for icecream, pan fried.

Home and goodbyes.

Fun day making the most of misfortunes.

Yeah that's us!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TV!

Neopolitan Dreams

2010-02-23T23:59:00.006+11:00

Re-posting of poems written 31st Oct 2009, because the gorgeous languid weather makes me listen to Lisa Mitchell thus making me touch up these poems.

Warm days, by open window, books closed, floating on the ethereal notes of Lisa Mitchell's "Love Letter"

You're bleeding sunshine, love
Into my blizzard life
Embers dance in open palms
Turning darkness into ~~white~~ right

You're whispering whiteness, here
Through an afternoon thick air
Casting trails of glitter gold, brushes
Combing shoulders wrists lips hair

I draw to you like light
With shades of HB greys
I'm seizing your warmth, breathing your form
Sighing smoke, rings, a haze

You're cascading into the very
Corners of my limbs
You're honey state and violent sweet
Hung moments on a puppet strings

I'm cast into shadows, dear

Breathing your weighted glow,

It fills me and floods me

Intoxicates and drugs me.

My heart is blistering, fear

At every curious game

Intangible dance of locks and keys

And tangents off your philosophies

I'm vessels of fragile glass

I'm clay immersed in kilns

I'm fired up to melting point

Crumbling, I'm helpless joints

As unattenuated notes

Pirouette through open panes

We become metal weld sparks,

Of enamoured, unbridled hearts.

I miss your reflections
Your sighs and inflections
I miss your constance from dawn to night
But most of all I miss your light.

Sweet Disposition

2010-02-22T14:50:00.006+11:00

Please do yourself a favour and go download 'Sweet Disposition - Temper Trap' cos nothing soundtracks a momentous point in one life as much as this song. It's little wonder why it's been overused in movies and tv shows and ads. This song makes me want to metaphorically chase whatever I love despite the risks, and jump without any hesitation, with 'reckless abandonment.'

Mixed Bag

People change, people change, people change. People stop running away. People step up.

One of my favourite couples broke up, but they tried their hearts out. I commend that.

The great thing about a soul mate is that you'll always get a second chance. I don't believe in a soul mate, but luckily for you, you do.

You think that you'll be some sort of bullet proof because you've heightened your guard, lowered your expectations, but you'll always be moved by someone as long as you ~~live~~ love. Replace all, you's with I's

Life ceased to be black and white. Life is full of unappealing greys. But you live for that splash of full saturation colour. Or technicolour.

Love is when someone watches the road for you while you are text-walking.

"Never pick the guy, they'll leave you every time."

I hit on nineteen/

I'm the right side of green with you.

High T2

2010-02-22T12:02:00.001+11:00

My favourite Asia dress bought in Bangkok. Worn to High Tea at the Sofitel for Ling's B'day. Happy birthday Ling! Excuse my broken wrist and cast, apologise for the Photobooth quality.

I Am Too Broken To...

2010-02-17T23:02:00.010+11:00

BUY:

Salvatore Ferragamo Continental Wallet

affectionately known as Unscratchable Wallet! (cos I need that)

14,000 THB

Fell in love with this in a duty free store in Bangkok. Almost died when I saw the price. Am currently trying to justify the purchase to myself. Never knew this brand, let alone how to pronounce it.

Witchery Linda Buckle Boots

affectionately known as my Big Dumb Combat Boots

$269.95 AUD

Hong Kong Butter Soft Leather Bag

650 HKD = 92.85 AUD

This was the biggest regret non-buy in Asia because I found it in Australia for $299.95 *BEEP!*

But sometimes I get what I want:

Re. dreams of Wayfarers, I got them in Ipoh, Malaysia for 450 MYR

Tet-lentines Day

2010-02-15T13:08:00.003+11:00

I hate Valentines day. My V-day tradition usually consists of hanging out with my single girlfriend or attached girlfriend with a crap boyfriend. We avoid the couples by eating Shanghai dirty dumplings because no decent boyfriend would take their girlfriend there on Valentines day, or watching a so-we-thought anti-Valentines day movie such as He's Just Not That Into You. But this year, tradition had to be postponed because 'The Most Idiotic Day Of The Calendar' turned into one of the best days of the Lunar Year.

Tet New Year rocks because its so joyous and positive and everyone is throwing around hopeful wishes for the coming year. Gathering together with family a handful of times a year is always treasured and getting free money if you're not married also adds to the fun.

We have a family tradition to visit the cemetery every Tet. This year I found my second ever heart shaped rock. It's different from the weathered first rock I found in year 8, but it's still sweet. I have learned my lesson to never to give rocks away to boys again.

After family dinner, by which i mean banquet, 3 cousins and I drove to Koko black for coffee&cake&chocolate. When we got to Lygon St it was completely packed! I had totally forgotten the rest of the Western cilivisation was celebrating Valentines Day. Ohboy. Long story short, after chocolates I found myself on a road trip to Keysborough on the impulse of my cousin cos he wanted to see his girlfriend on their first Valentines day, with a box of Koko Black chocolates in hand no doubt. So despite hating Valentines day because I'm from the 'every day should be Valentines day' school of thought, it seems like people do do extra surprisingly special things on Valentines day. Although if Valentines day celebrations is an excuse to be loveless and sweetless every other day of the year, then I'm back to hating it. Hah!

I'm quite proud to be related to someone who can impulsively drive to the other end of the earth, I mean city, without counting time, kilometres and petrol money in the name of love. Hear hear!

ASIA Twenty10

2010-02-10T22:52:00.002+11:00

The first 23 days of the year Twenty10 (can't wait for 2020, so many cricketing puns to be had!) was spent in Asia, on my first overseas holiday with friends. Let's break it down...down down down doowwwnn....

Flying
I like flying, but get vexed at checking in, baggage carousels at 12am, departure-arrival cards and foreign immigration. Otherwise flying overseas was what I expected. I don't get nauseous, I know how to equalise the pressure in my ear (aka. popping them) and I have decent bladder control when stuck on the window seat. Actually, I like the window seat! The whiteness of being enveloped by clouds is soooo breath-takingly amazing! I love when you can see the planes wings slicing through clouds. I imagine what it would feel like, and the only thing that may come close would be the gentle caress of a fluttering silk blouse against bare skin. The window seat also lets me to tell Louise when plane touch down is imminent allowing her to prepare for it. So yeah, I don't mind doing alot more international flights!

Malaysia
I LOVE LOVE (insert multiple heart symbols) Malaysian food!!! Loved it so much my bowel retained it for a few too many days. Over-share aside, my Malaysian experience was more 'real' because we stayed with Malaysian families in suburbs and avoided hotels. We got to experience home-life the Malaysian way, which meant washing our feet the moment we stepped into the house. Due to my coincidental choice of Malaysian 'friends,' I already felt like an adopted half-M'sian. It's no wonder I felt so at ease there. What I didn't enjoy about Malaysia was the undercurrent of racism between the Malays, Chinese and Indians that all call Malaysia home. Sorta saddens me. The high-light was following the food-trail in Penang: Wantan Mee at 6am, Char Koay Teow which Dents, hunting down Assam Laksa, pleasantly surprised with the Fried Oyster dish, getting my fingers oily after multiple Roti Channai, and my FAVOURITE was Hokkien Mee. Would totally go back to Penang for the food! Aaand I parasailed in Langkawi, felt like flying, but with a wedgie.

Thailand
I LOVE Thai culture! It's incredibly artsy and friendly. Even the boys are hotter! Consensus amongst 3 girls. Thailand travelling thought me to always use a travel agent or do extensive research and double-check recommendations before willy-nillying booking flights and accommodation. The street art amazed me, despite it's commercialism. Some people are just born to wield a paintbrush. Wish that was me. Ko Samui wasn't as relaxing as it should've been given the breaking of bones. But Bangkok was, well 'da bomb!' LOVED Bangkok shopping. Their markets (Little Siam & the weekend one at Mo Chit) was hip fashion trends fused with vintage nanna-pieces and quirky charms. Tiff recommended it saying it was my kind of place. The independent designers in the store boutiques are really talented and use beautiful fabrics and cuts. They were much cheaper than Australian independent designers, but unfortunately, still expensive for my asian budget.

Hong Kong
I didn't like Hong Kong and probably wouldn't go back anytime soon. Perhaps we didn't go to the right places but Hong Kong seemed bland. It doesn't seem to have it's own culture. It's like a confused ABC kid trying to be hip like the Westerners but with black hair and small eyes. Ok, abit exaggerated but the Hong Kong cafe food trying to infuse asian & western cuisine sorta turned me off eating, and I restored to Maccas. Sales people were whiney and rude and chased me down the street grabbing at my bad arm. Aside from buying my first leather jacket, the redeeming features of Hong Kong include it's awesome train system and the Angel cake, bought at the 11th hour after our flight was delayed. Felt like a thousand angels playing harps on my tongue. okaaayy, abit exaggerated!

Travel Buddies
I learned abit more about my Tuesday afternoon friends. Didn't learn too much about Louise that I didnt know given that we spent back to back 24 hours together studying, eating, sleeping, driving during swot vac. But I've come to realise Lou can be fierce when bargaining elevating her to bitch mode. And her shopping stamina is like no other. Anchu is a great cripple carer/body guard but is highly sympathetic towards every beggar and stray animal. Guess it comes from the same place in her big heart. Anchu & Louise shouldn't shop together. As for me, I learned that I need organisation on trips, need vi-time and am quite easily amused and happy to try anything new. Esp. Malaysian food.

Broken Bones
Speaking of new things, I broke my right distal radius after falling over on a boat in Ko Samui. It's the first bone I've ever broken in my body. Reducing it twice in a Thai hospital was the most excruciating pain I've ever felt despite the morphine and sedatives being pumped in my opposing arm. I popped codeine for the first time in my life, so at least I now know what I'm prescribing my patients. I had this naive expectation that 21st Century medical procedures was practiced painlessly. Mostly because in Dental School we were taught never to extract teeth at any sign of sharp pain, uncomfortable pressure is normal. But I have now learned the truth about pain. The thought crossing my mind when I could feel them pushing my bones back into place was, if centuries of women could give birth without an epidural, I can survive this. That being said, when I give birth they better give me a damn epidural!

All in all
I enjoyed my trip, despite the accident. I had pure joy moments, watched amazing sunsets, laughed painfully hard with my friends, bought a lot of clothes but most importantly experienced the life & culture of other countries. That's what I travel for.

I Count Myself In Nothing Else So Happy

2010-02-01T23:56:00.003+11:00

After 9 weeks, 21 flights in total, 56 received emails, 38 exchanged sms's, 1 phone call, 2 broken bones, 1 plate, 7 screws, 3 casts, 2 slings....I am finally back within 34 driving minutes of my boy~~best~~friend. And everything is right in the world again, except 2 aforementioned bones.

*grins*

Feels a bit like this...

l . o . v . e

Goodbye '09, It Was Nice Knowing You

2009-12-30T00:59:00.001+11:00

Since I'll be up on a plane on the last day of 2009, I shall recap the year that was one day early. I've learned a lot this year, these are my lessons:

On Me
I realised I am worth it, and I have to value that in myself. I proved I can be 'all independent woman yo!' and can hold my own, anywhere except the kitchen. I think I have awesomely artistic coping mechanisms and hope in the darkest hours. I showed that i'm nice, but will speak up and assert myself if i'm cornered. I stuck steadfast to my morals.

On Love
I've grown up so much only because I've just come to accept that I am who I am and you either love it, or leave it. Or I leave you. Yeah, that's preeetty much it. I've finally come to realise that mildly free can become wildly free, which sure beats drive me crazy. I believe love cannot be built with bricks and mortar, because it is magic first. Love is patient and kind, or just a slowarse and sweet.

On Friendship
I've learned that i'm not an infalliable friend just because I give my all wholeheartedly. I disappoint even when i'm trying to protect. I lost a friend, fell for a friend, and have no idea where i stand on the spectrum of friendship with a friend. But this was the year of real friends standing the test of me. I was unwaveringly honest, and when need be, spoke up for myself. But I can undoubtedly say I surrounded myself only in people that I cherish, and didn't care for any phonies.

On Singledom
Singledom Is the most awkward nightmare of a world, ever despite whatever Christung ~~claims~~ claimed! It was the year of randoms, running away and regrets. Randoms are not fun, Cat Cheung! The worst part is when you unknowingly shake up someone's mind/heart/plans without meaning to the slightest. And I know there are no hard feelings, but here's an apology being sent out into the infinite space of truths.

On Family
It's great to have my mum and dad back in the same waking hours. I think it was good for mum because we're all growing up, and attached to a computer screen. And dad is just wonderful to have around.

On alcohol
The dual training of liver by dentistry funded events and cousin funded clubbing has taught me how to hold my drink, hold people's hair, dance in heels and last the at least the 3am distance. It's been a fun alcohol fueled year of escapism, but it's not what i need.

On Running Away
Since 2008 pretty much ended in a spectacular display of impressionist lights on November the 5th, I take it back to St Leonards, and Torquay I. Since then my escapism has lead me to Sydney, Yarra Valley, Daylesford, Torquay again, Shepparton and Rye. I've done what I want without moderation, with people who wanted to do it with me. And if there wasn't one, I'd just wing it solo.

On Self Indulgence and Academia
This was THEE most self indulgent year. After years of negation, someone (me) finally said yes to everything I ever wanted. I'd like to thank my lucky stars, my subconscious brain cells and Mr. Frank Tate for my surprising academic results.

Goodbye '09
I started out with high hopes for '09 being Damien Rice's album titles consecutively placed. And I think it delivered. I think i've learned a lot this year about being strong, realistic and true to myself. I also learned how to take intra-oral x-rays by myself! Don't get me wrong, I still frequent my idealistic rainbow and butterfly alternate dream world but I know life is not as cooperative. So from here on in anything that makes me happy is a bonus. Anything that makes me sad should be solved, if not/or avoided. Life IS simple, cos i'm letting it be. Loving the place I am in this moment of my life.

Bliss. Loved. Hope

Hello TwentyTen
Bring on twentyten. Unlike '09, the change of next year is not bringing repose. But I feel like it's definitely time to shake life up with some new challenges. I have a new degree, a new job, newish love, a new lease on life and for the first time I'll have money to save, and spend!

Sounds like fun! Can't wait to start this new chapter of, cornily, the story of v.

Work, Smiles, On Life

2009-12-27T02:55:00.006+11:00

Long Post coming up, be warned. This is about me, for me. Minimal artsiness, skip if you're unimpressed by my life meanderings.

I should stop thinking in poetry and start writing from practical prose recaps of life as is, before I summarise the year that was 2009.

Let's rewind back to....

I graduated! Official ceremoniously and ballingly.

Me and the power women of my family.

Dr V. Tran and Dr T. Van - let's never grow up!

Vale, uni life!

Torquay girls on Langham balcony at Graduation Ball '09

Me and my BBF (black&blue forever) living it up at Grad Ball.

My attempt at recreating Anna Cambell's backless lace.

I became a real dentist, at a real practice, in Country Victoria!

The name tag is a gift from my previous boss while I was a DA.

This is where I work! It says DENTIST.

That's my name on the door! awww I'm a permanent fixture!

Work

I'm really enjoying being a dentist in country Victoria, although it stresses me out everyday and keeps me on my toes thinking and doesn't come naaattturally yet. The staff are great, the receptionist is so damn efficient, and the DA's rock. And I feel like i'm the one letting everyone down being too slow. It can only get better right!

The town was awarded the tidiest town in 2003. It has a burger joint to die for, and a lawn bowls pitch that I want to try out. It's quaint and cute and really quite friendly. It's got an op-shop that I've frequented once, and I bought 2 glomesh bags and a burnt orange size large silk singlet thing. My mother says i'm not allowed to wear those vintage clothes there in case it belongs to one of my patients, and she says I should stop op-shopping. As much as I love mother, I frequently don't listen to her on many things. I've also found the local library! I can't remember the last time i borrowed a book I wanted to read. Borders has made things too commercially available.

I have driven to and from work for the 7 days of work and have enjoyed the drive with my CD's on play for half the drive, and the radio for the other. Top 40 matters! I've driven in morning sunlight, morning fog blanketing fields and mountains which Tiff wants to ride cows up, I've driven home during some spectacular sunsets which prompts me to take the long way home. And i've driven home with misty eyes and the heaviest heart, weighed down in worry prompted by email I never wanted to receive. I had to turn off all my music and just will my car and the straight roads to "please take me home" because I wasn't sure if my mind was on the Hume Hwy or in Bolivia. Other than that, I've really love the open space and sundrenched drives. This is my high light of the trip; it's always heart lifting.

It's three trees that make up the shape of a heart. Makes me smile every time.

Torquay the Second in La Rye, 2009

Torquay the second was not overlayed by a melancholy tinge of black and blues. It was fresh, loving, and colours of pastel purples and pink. It was the couples vs. non-couples retreat, where by the couples held hands and had long walks on the beach and the non-couples drank alcohol with drinking partners. It was tamer than Toquay but much more relaxing and at ease. It was what I needed this year, and I still love and appreciate this group of open hearted friends and their significant others.

Christmas 2009

I don't have photos but rest assured, it was massive. As usual, family celebrations began on Christmas Eve. My favourite gift that night was a Waterman Pen and I gave my favourite little cousin a Hello Kitty toy. Christmas day saw us sing carols at church during the lunch organised for people who don't have family to share Christmas with. I think it was our best effort yet, although it was still pretty crap. Raced off to visit his family where I was met with generosity and sweetness. Raced back for family friend Christmas dinner where I got a pair of Tilkah earrings!

Boxing Day

Cricket rocks, but so does shopping. I bought my first ever dSLR and named it Adison as promised. It's my baby and it's beautiful. I also bought my first ever Camilla and Marc, Zahra Dress. It's soooo sweet it's almost sickening. It was an awesome buy, albeit impulsive. Louise bought me my first maxi dress that i've wanted for ages. I think it's just art! I've already got plans to cut it up into a mini dress & skirt when maxi's go out of fashion. Is that fabric blasphemy?

My first Camilla & Marc

Art! Silk screen print.

Ok, that's all folks.

Reasoning With The Seasons

2009-12-21T01:41:00.005+11:00

I fell in love with you because
I could feel your light
Dousing my darkness, because you
Liven my senses with your spiced combed touch.
Because
You are never six degrees of
Separation from me, though seas
Part us.

I fell in love with you because
You are my homebound sigh
That draws at my weaknesses
And fills them.
Because life would be a constant
Lie without you. Because
You're my favourite
One.

Actually, who am I kidding, I have no fucking clue why...

A Single Truth

2009-12-19T20:30:00.011+11:00

Re. A Thousand Lies
A Thousand Lies is still one of my most favourite poems I've ever written, inspired by Mark Sholtez' new song, confusion and watching Marie Antoinette spoken in oh ye ol' English...oh and a friend.

A Single Truth

For every butterfly that ever played,
Emotions bound in a white noon haze,
The actions we in check did keep,
Distance between ensured no leaps.

For every heart you said you loved,
'Twas an involuntary, subconscious bluff.
Cajoled and coaxed by romantic fools,
To fall, to forward, to follow through.

For every time, you proclaimed the word,
Of Singledom, independence heard,
Soon acquiesced to its valid views,
You won on principle; I converted you.

For every memory, that you'd erase
Made a forbidden, friendship maze.
The norms that heed the social code
Mischance disaster the cards forebode

For every Rachel and Joe that lives,
There is a Ross with chance doth give,
That subtly morphs with ease to now
Because the valves of hearts allow.

For every one, thousand lies
You used to cover heart's silent cries
He slip just once, a single truth
"That, I'd rather be with you."

♥

The Art Of Love

2009-12-11T23:17:00.010+11:00

Paper Heart
I watched this movie a couple of nights ago when I had a lonely movie night with the coolest geek of all musical nerds, Michael Cera. Check out Juno, Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist and ofcourse Paper Heart. This movie is a blur between life and documentary on love. It poses the question what is love? At twenty two, this is what i've irresolutely concluded:

Love is a biochemical and physiological mechanism, but it's also magic. It should be a statement of a strong positive emotion of affection, rather than the steadfast endurance of negativity. It is a measure of happiness, not of loss or sacrifice. Apart from the pure joy, the greatest part of love is its unknown, mystical element. I will always count young love; the wholehearted whirlwind unbridled magnetism manifestation of promised forevers. Even if they don't unfold. I think it's the only way to love. "Love is not a contract" haha

True Love
I once asked mum if I was able to move out with my apparent non-existent boyfriend. Mother firmly stuck to her guns. Mother said I am not allowed to move out until I get married (unless I move away for work). I tried to reason "shouldn't I trial whether or not I can live in a house with him before I get married?" To which she answered:

"If you're actually in love, really in love, truly in love you will be able to live together through any differences...otherwise it's not true love."

It's hard to argue that.

Long Distance Relationship
I melodramatically like to think I am currently in a long distance relationship. To be honest, I quite like it. It's like a love letter a day minus the handwritten cursive, more so verdana size 10. But I would trade all that for a makes-everything-better hug any day.

Forever, Ever She Dreamt
This was a real dream that I didn't have, because if you know me well, I definitely do not wake up early. This dream made me smile big, made me giggle heaps, made my day. =)

She woke up to something uncomfortable on her left hand. LEFT?! Looking down, there was a diamond ring securely slipped on her fourth finger. She stared at it with mild amusement but mostly shock. Then she looked over at him, sleeping silently by her side. She hit him, shook him, woke him up to her state of bewildered excitement. He sheepishly explained that "I forgot you wake up so early." That she was supposed to wake up to those four words along with a home cooked breakfast in bed. Surprise!? Fail...

But it's the thought that counts.

Sweet as dream.

Fan Girlism

2009-12-04T17:46:00.004+11:00

thirty/ the cutest boy on the broady line, who looks astonishingly like a baby blue eyed Harry Potter, sits a seat away reading issue with Radcliffe photo and article. Sigh, swoon, surely everyone else sees the resemblance! Maybe it's just fangirl me?

I should really grow up.

Distance Makes The Heart Forget

2009-12-04T12:34:00.010+11:00

'Distance makes the heart forget' is probably the premise underpinning escapism. It works for escapist Pisces me. It's the reason I took a million runaway weekends this year and loved Shepparton.

I've never understood why 'distance makes the heart grow fonder.' I've missed people far away but it has never changed the intensity of my love for them, til now. So I relunctantly conceed the trite maxim rings truth.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Lorlei Gilmore

2009-12-02T23:50:00.002+11:00

All wrapped up in one, I am contently happy with blissful bursts.

I drove to work today listening to Joshua Radin. As opposed to last time when I drove back from work to go see Joshua Radin. Then I saw a patch of burnt trees and listened to Stu Larsen - Black Tree. It feels like so much as happened between these two drives.

Studied stressfully for exams
Passed exams
Got the degree
Got the right job
Got registered
Got a Dr. title, at least it's not possessive!
Got the boy
Got messages waiting on me on my phone, check
Got to go to the gig (Daniel Merriweather)
Got awesome friends who have your back, literally
Get to drive the scenic route to work, with awesome music
Get to Op shop
Finished Mouth Mirror
Finishing touches to Grad Ball
Get to graduate soon
Get to live!

Everything feels so right, right now. Everything is light to me and the future looks bright. The puzzle pieces are falling into place again. I'm so sorry i ever doubted you, Life.

Life's Good

Same Story, Different Authors

2009-12-02T21:11:00.005+11:00

For you, when you're in a lion's den.

This is especially late. Maybe too late.

But here's to putting it out into the world in print, for my truth's sake.

Unrequited love is nothing new. Ask the Paris' of this world, not to mention geeky Taylor Swift. ESPECIALLY the Love Actually pseudo-christmas-carols-singer placard guy.

And I suppose once in your life you should go through such emotions in the name of emotions felt and lessons learned.

If you actively tell someone you have feelings for them, especially a good (best) friend, you should be prepared to expect nothing back, because you actually have no right. If your feelings get disclosed through gossiping grapevines, then it's not in your control and it's a different story all together! But if you want to put the word on the table so to speak, into the intangible space in the world that holds all truths for truth's sake alone, then do so. But don't expect anything.

But in truth, everyone hopes, which means someone will eventually be disappointed. Complete non-expectation doesn't really exist until you get that "I don't like you like that" (with or without the "yet") shutdown or until you run away to Shepparton.

But you need to realise that it's not you, nor is it them; but it's just not meant to be like that. Noone is at fault for the lack of reciprocation. Both care for eachother immensely. That's the reason why you're friends in the first place, why you're good (best) friends. The chemistry you have as friends is not a lie. Was not a lie.

It's not about worth this time. And you have to believe that to not fall apart when your good (best) friend, who's supposed to care for you, doesn't want to make you happy, like that. Because the reality of human interaction is just that it's not there romantically.

Do whatever you have to do. Because I don't want you to be upset every time they're near. And I believe there's no point discussing a static outcome. So I didn't. "Besides, we have better things to talk about than the fact that you don't like me back."

Good luck resealing your heart that got shaken. Trust me, it's not broken.

All that being said, and honestly felt, I must admit I've never really been unrequited, indelibly. I really need to thank my lucky stars that I tend to get everything i want. I even got a Furby.

Play, For Keeps

2009-11-27T01:38:00.002+11:00

The Light is a whirlwind of non-stop activity. I've hardly slept in, except when i rock up late to appointments, catchups and meetings. I'm constantly doing something, something that's always enjoyable, something i've craved during exams, something to make me high spirited, something that makes me feel freeeeee.

Movies:
Do watch Gossip Girl, do cringe at the three-some.
Do watch Merlin at 3am, even if it's scary and you have noone to drink shots with.
Do watch Garden State again, with someone who understands it's beauty, and spot Josh Radin smoking pot? Do fall in love with Natalie Portman. Do not fear that your boy won't understand what you mean when you tug at your ear at parties.
Do not watch Time Traveller's Wife at the cinemas, do watch New Moon.

Brunches:
Do eat brunch at Brown Sugar, Block Arcade which just so happens to be the exact same restaurant you ate brunch at when you finished your last ever VCE (well it was MUPHAS Psych) exam, five years on with the same friend.
Do catch up with your first love and discuss respective new loves like you were old friends happy for eachother's lives, because you are.

Sleepovers:
Do sleepover under tents and mood lighting. Do sleepover 'round whites and spice lingering. Do wake up to your best friend, (Britney Spears) music and forced breakfast.

Opshop & Camberwell
Do opshop at your original haunt, CBD, Sydney Rd and Shepparton. Do drag boys to Camberwell while he has hayfever and exacerbate said hayfever by rummaging through dusty old clothes. Do not mind. If I do! Do appreciate boys that don't mind being dragged around with hayfever.

Lilac Dresses
Do wear your version of the "Meet The Parents" dress when you meet the parents, aunties, brothers etc. even if the original is hotter.

Photoshoot

Do photograph the sunset from iphones far away from franktate, wherever sunset takes your breath away.

Also do try to look effortless when taking photos at the beach. Otherwise, do wait for the sun to set so all that can be photographed is your silhouette and surely you can't get that wrong? WRONG!

Wineries

Do go to wineries and add Tahbilk Lexia to your list of wine loves. Do go to wineries and accompanying art galleries in Yarra Valley and not feel pretentious and grownuppy, cos you just happen to like grownuppy pretentious stuff.

Coffee Detox

Do not bother lying to yourself.

Guiltless Happiness

Done.

Drive, Right By Me

2009-11-18T23:33:00.004+11:00

If you cry and drive,

You're a ~~fucking~~ foolish idiot.